Age is just a number, but

I have six months a little over half a year until I leave my Twenties (the latter sounds like longer- so I'll go with that). I'm not sure I like this. I'm pretty sure I don't like this. Oh- its weird. I've always looked quite young, I still get IDd (and did before the 'challenge if you suspect they may be under 25' thingy), yet the thought of actually getting older in number worries me. I was the only one of my friends who was actually old enough to see the '12' when we went to see Mrs. Doubtfire- and the only one that they suspected was underage. I've got used to comments about my young-ness, and people passing judgement about me being a 'young single mum' etc. I got IDd with a 37 year old last year, who was buying wine in Marks and Spencers, because I happened to be with him. So yeah, I look young. 

  Sporting the Obligatory-Allotment-Pigtails. 

17? Try 26...

I feel young-ish too. I have clear memories of what it feels like to be 3, 6, 10, 15, 18, 21- because of significant things that happened at these times (be they 'A' level celebrations or the receipt of a Superted pencil case for my Birthday- all vital milestones!) But beyond 15, I didn't feel like I aged... and that was half a lifetime ago. I was a girl getting married and having babies and making houses, in her twenties who definately felt as though she was no older than 15. I didn't feel I'd learnt, or changed or grown. I was not immature, but young at heart- I was wearing mittens and bouncing, pulling silly faces and loving the swings. Well I still do these things if I'm honest.

 Being little.

Just recently, because I suppose I'm looking back on the twenties and all of the things that have happened, and all of the things that I wish I'd done, I've realised that inside, I am 29- I have definately had my fair share of 29 years of life- so much has happened. And physically- I cannot expect to drink so much cider without the side effects any more! And I need to accept that I will have to exercise to keep trim, after years of sporting the 'in need of a hot-dinner' look without trying. I still suffer witha couple of health issues after the birth of my children, and I ache badly, have cold hands and feet a lot, and get coughs, colds and headaches, because I can't expect to cope so well without sleep as I once did. Oh I realise I'm not an old lady by any means- but I make no apologies for stating that physically, I am no longer a spring chicken. I think this comes from years of not taking care of myself and my diet, and spending too much energy on people that aren't myself, and worrying far too much... about fair enough things, but it takes its toll.

 At one of my skinniest and saddest (and 

just out of the shower- please excuse the hair!)- with the 

whole world on my mind.

I am not particularly depressed, so please don't mis-judge the tone of this! But I do need to turn things around- I need to make actual effort to enter my thirties proud and happy. I'm really getting there, I think in a sense it would be a very good idea to leave my twenties behind! To be frank, the bad stuff that happened totally mars the good in my eyes. I really want to say 'I came out brighter- and look what else I achieved...' (I'll do that list of good-twenties-moments another time) but really, my twenties were pretty terrible- so in a way, I finish them cheerfully, and in a reasonable position to enter the next stage of my life, simply because I've lived through so much emotionally. If I was any older, my hair would have turned white in the process!
But hey, here I am, not naieve enough to think that I've had all of my bad luck and unhappiness now, ofcourse life will have its challenges and unpleasant surprises, but strong enough to want to say 'come on thirties- I'm ready!'

Snuggles with my Little Guy, feeling strong.

I want to do something between now and then- I'm not going to make an unachievable list- I don't have the money to travel, much as I ache to do it, and I don't have the strength or the time to train for something like a marathon, but I probably need a couple of goals- say one-a-month for six months? Things that will remind me of 'that nice time, in the run up to my thirties'. If you don't mind, I'm going to ask for more advice nearer the birthday, but for now, with the list of goals, between now and September, this is where you come in- any ideas?...

xxx