I'm actually all alone.
There is nobody here apart from me.
And I have nothing specific to do.
And, unusually, I'm fine with that! This is one of my long-term struggles, to be 'Me', without being a mummy, or a girlfriend, or a daughter, or anything else. I seemed to lose confidence in that a long time ago, and it often feels awkward, unnatural, boring and lonely. The children are with their dad a weekend early, and the fella is at a festival, with lots of local acts, as well as Cast and The Streets. Jealous? Much? (No really- its raining and he's camping!) Its fine!
Plans? Not many. Eat toast, check. Catch up on things missed on the iPlayer, check. Tidy my bedroom and finish the laundry.... yeah, I'll get back to that one... I have decided after weeks of panicking about being Bikini-Beautiful (the holiday is looming) that some people aren't made for them, and that I don't have fat legs, they are quite short actually, compared to my body. So theres nothing I can do about that. This is also a step forward. More toast please!
He's texting me alot, with the 'wish you were heres' (whatever happened to the interdependant thing that we had going on?!) but he's with man-friends that he's known for a lifetime, and I think he needs to be there as 'himself'. I'm happy where I am, being 'Me', by myself.
Its a big step forward!
xxx
Yay, well done!
ReplyDeleteMake the most of the quiet time, read a book, watch a film/TV or just do nothing - just because you can.
Brilliant! Well done you!
ReplyDeleteIts something I really struggle with (except for the mummy part), I find it really difficult just to 'be' and end up doing work, just because I dont really know who I am / what I do other than work.
Enjoy your time alone and I recommend that you watch Labyrinth. Its the best 'I am on my own' film!
xxx
I don't do being myself well at all. Enjoy doing exactly what YOU want to do!
ReplyDeleteIt's good to have me time. x
ReplyDelete