Recent Doings.

Its been a long time since I was in a sensible enough routine to spend time on my blogging and reading of blogs. I'm hoping to overcome my recent problems and keep in touch with this place somehow, because its just the sort of place I like to be. So, 'hello' again, sweet readers! I'll drop by soon.

I've had horrible things to deal with in the Single Mummy Zone, and it came to a peak on Thursday, when the ex and a mediating officer rang me out of the blue, on my Birthday, to quibble childcare decisions, and just-as-worryingly, monetary issues (which were put to bed over two years ago). Its a real source of anguish actually, and I was upset that he chose to deliver the news of his most recent plot on that particular day. I'm being tied up in knots. My very real fear is that he wants me to end up with nothing. People that know my situation in greater detail will understand that I haven't overstated that, unfortunately.
Needless to say, with the emotion of the occasion, and my pathelogical dislike of most of my adulthood birthdays, (although I had intended to try and enjoy this one!) it was not a good thing. The day ended worse than it had began, and I was appreciative to all those that tried to improve things, but I decided to write it off! Better luck next year maybe.

I'm reminded of a little Monty Python clip here, something about bright sides of life... I'm trying, Eric!

''Lifes a piece of ***t, when you look at it!...''

So I probably should end on a high. I did have a nice weekend, and had a little birthday party on the Saturday, and a picnic on the Sunday. I was thoroughly spoilt, and had a good time ringing in my thirtieth, or twenty-tenth as the children call it, despite the nearness of tears on many occasions. It wasn't easy, but I was glad that I didn't cancel and take to my bed. I do have a lovely family, and a pretty fab boyfriend, and a couple of very true friends. It really helps.


xxx

And also, a special kinda girl wrote some lovely words earlier, please do pop by her blog if you haven't already- I promise it'll cheer you up! I hadn't seen the content of her post before I wrote this one, but I hope I haven't spread any gloom to her corner of Blogland! She sounds all sparkly and light and as though she has been relieved of a great weight. Good for her. Theres a positive thing.

And now for something Completely Different...

I've caught this little bug, the one that has been milling about recently. Symptoms include:

itchy fingers

the need to create

pestering more crafty family members, for advice, support, spare equipment, and lessons

hunting around charity shops for useful fabrics and books

emitting squeally sounds when you feel an especially expensive yarn (or wool as I'm used to calling it- sorry!)

There are some quite serious cases of it in Blogland, so I kinda hold you people accountable. And theres that little matter of my 30s list- this new sickness is just the right kinda thing to tick off, numbers 5 and 9.

I've aways enjoyed making things: cards, cross stitches, and I love drawing and painting, so perhaps the signs were there. I've mentioned before that I grew up in a house of crafty-ness. I felt a little inept when it came to making costumes for Pickle Missy's World Book Day recently, so something had to be done. (The sewing machine is being dusted off, and there is a fabulous project ready to start, thank you once again, Lucy). It used to be unfashionable to make things, and you'd attract comments about lack of money if you sported lovingly created hand-made jumpers as a child (from other children of course). I wouldn't dare mention to my school friends that I got one of these!

 I can still remember what I made for the big project: an adult sleeveless stripy jumper in a kinda aqua marine and navy, with buttons on one shoulder. Beautiful!!!! It was the '80s, people, therefore, this is an acceptable design and colour combo.

A new era has come. I have one of these noodles, (that is what Pickle Missy calls them, and that is therefore what they will be known as!) and I'm ready to go.

You see? I read blogs from proper crafters- I understand that we are supposed to find the prettiest fabrics to photograph things on :)

In fact, truth be told, I've started. Mum tried to teach me, but proclaimed me un-teachable, so she found me a couple of books and some remnants and told me to set out into the big crochet world unaided, for that is truly the way forward (and her mother had decided that she couldn't be taught either, so that is the route that she also took) ...or something to that effect. I can now proudly make round things, and long things, and wormy things.

So anyway, how does this sound so far?....



xxx

30 thingys to do before I'm 30.

I have two or three posts hanging around the 'drafts' department, and I am trying to space them out. This is an improvement on last week, when I had 6 or 7. My blog posts come to me- like Pooh Bear's hums, and they are in charge of me at times. I have lots to blog right now, but need to be in charge of the blog posts, and say 'no-wait your turn!!!' occasionally. I had something else planned for today, but thought that this one had more urgency, as I need to get a wriggle on, so I have let it out to be read.  Lucy also blogged her list yesterday, and the timing seemed right. 

I obviously ought to celebrate my thirtieth somehow- this is being worked-upon. I might actually get some friends and family to traverse afar to my corner of the world for some kind of party (visit me? A potentially Most Unusual Situation). Somehow it needs to be fabulous- my favourite people, lots of photos, lots of memories and great moments, decent music and entertainment, and yummy food and drink. I might just go over the top. I really might.

But anyway...You know whats also important? I neeeeeeed to celebrate my 'leaving of the twenties' somehow. I explained my feelings back in this post. Its essential, to my mind, as a process of putting the last decade behind me. I totally understand 'divorce parties' now! Don't knock it till you've had one! (A divorce that is). I won't be indulging, but I can quite understand the need for some people. I think the 'shaking yourself free from the past' aspect is part of my reasoning for this. Also, re divorce parties: any excuse for cake.

So here is the plan: I'm going to do 30 things that I haven't done before, or that I think will make a good impact on my life. Its  a way of remembering this year, and also a way of trying new things and maybe getting out of my comfort zone. I had a good look at this website for general inspiration, and also thought hard to myself about what I wanted to do (yes, yes it did hurt). I'll aim to cross things off here, and take photos where possible. You'll notice I kept things in threes. See what I did there?...

So:

1) Go to a Festival
2) Write a song
3) Send 3 secrets to PostSecret.com (I literally cannot wait!)
4) Find a personally inspiring quote and work it into a piece of art/ decor.
5) Complete 3 projects from here
6) Host a Dinner Party (cooking a three-course-meal).
7) Do a sporty challenge, and be generally active.
8) Do some kind of performance.
9) Learn 3 new skills.
10) Change my surname back to my maiden name.
11) See a sunrise
12) Learn to put my face in water.
13) Buy only second hand clothes, and adapt them into something 'Me' where neccesary.
14) Volunteer, charitably.
15) Leave a book somewhere, with a note inside it, for somebody else to pick up.
16) Sell some unwanted things of mine, to make money for new things.
17) Read my shelf of un-read or part-read books (excluding Complete Works!)
18) Fly a Kite (Ha! Didn't realise till today that this was also one of Lucy's).
19) Write a letter to my children, with advice and memories that I don't want to forget.
20) Join a club or an organisation.
21) Collect 50p pieces.
22) Make a story book for the children.
23) Have a cocktail party.
24) Learn more about star constellations, and go star gazing.
25) Watch 3 new films.
26) Catch up with the news every day for 3 weeks.
27) Get a new family picture taken.
28) Do a 'baked and homemade only' week, 3 times
29) De-tox, and take out all of the naughty foods for 3 weeks
30) Declare myself happy

Its a little worrying, flicking through the links, and seeing how many people didn't complete theirs, by a mile. But I guess thats the good thing of having a short list, rather than one of 101 things which I think might make me feel panicky. I really hope I've kept them realistic. Its so interesting (not in a patronising way, you know...) reading lists made by teens, and having a glimpse into their minds and their priorites. I guess if I did this list at 19, mine too would have consisted of 'get the bus on time' and 'remember to clean my room' and 'say thank you to mum for the meals once a day'!




xxx


PS, thank you for all of your suggestions regarding this, and to Lucy who understood what I was looking to achieve, and pointed me in the right direction!

Age is just a number, but

I have six months a little over half a year until I leave my Twenties (the latter sounds like longer- so I'll go with that). I'm not sure I like this. I'm pretty sure I don't like this. Oh- its weird. I've always looked quite young, I still get IDd (and did before the 'challenge if you suspect they may be under 25' thingy), yet the thought of actually getting older in number worries me. I was the only one of my friends who was actually old enough to see the '12' when we went to see Mrs. Doubtfire- and the only one that they suspected was underage. I've got used to comments about my young-ness, and people passing judgement about me being a 'young single mum' etc. I got IDd with a 37 year old last year, who was buying wine in Marks and Spencers, because I happened to be with him. So yeah, I look young. 

  Sporting the Obligatory-Allotment-Pigtails. 

17? Try 26...

I feel young-ish too. I have clear memories of what it feels like to be 3, 6, 10, 15, 18, 21- because of significant things that happened at these times (be they 'A' level celebrations or the receipt of a Superted pencil case for my Birthday- all vital milestones!) But beyond 15, I didn't feel like I aged... and that was half a lifetime ago. I was a girl getting married and having babies and making houses, in her twenties who definately felt as though she was no older than 15. I didn't feel I'd learnt, or changed or grown. I was not immature, but young at heart- I was wearing mittens and bouncing, pulling silly faces and loving the swings. Well I still do these things if I'm honest.

 Being little.

Just recently, because I suppose I'm looking back on the twenties and all of the things that have happened, and all of the things that I wish I'd done, I've realised that inside, I am 29- I have definately had my fair share of 29 years of life- so much has happened. And physically- I cannot expect to drink so much cider without the side effects any more! And I need to accept that I will have to exercise to keep trim, after years of sporting the 'in need of a hot-dinner' look without trying. I still suffer witha couple of health issues after the birth of my children, and I ache badly, have cold hands and feet a lot, and get coughs, colds and headaches, because I can't expect to cope so well without sleep as I once did. Oh I realise I'm not an old lady by any means- but I make no apologies for stating that physically, I am no longer a spring chicken. I think this comes from years of not taking care of myself and my diet, and spending too much energy on people that aren't myself, and worrying far too much... about fair enough things, but it takes its toll.

 At one of my skinniest and saddest (and 

just out of the shower- please excuse the hair!)- with the 

whole world on my mind.

I am not particularly depressed, so please don't mis-judge the tone of this! But I do need to turn things around- I need to make actual effort to enter my thirties proud and happy. I'm really getting there, I think in a sense it would be a very good idea to leave my twenties behind! To be frank, the bad stuff that happened totally mars the good in my eyes. I really want to say 'I came out brighter- and look what else I achieved...' (I'll do that list of good-twenties-moments another time) but really, my twenties were pretty terrible- so in a way, I finish them cheerfully, and in a reasonable position to enter the next stage of my life, simply because I've lived through so much emotionally. If I was any older, my hair would have turned white in the process!
But hey, here I am, not naieve enough to think that I've had all of my bad luck and unhappiness now, ofcourse life will have its challenges and unpleasant surprises, but strong enough to want to say 'come on thirties- I'm ready!'

Snuggles with my Little Guy, feeling strong.

I want to do something between now and then- I'm not going to make an unachievable list- I don't have the money to travel, much as I ache to do it, and I don't have the strength or the time to train for something like a marathon, but I probably need a couple of goals- say one-a-month for six months? Things that will remind me of 'that nice time, in the run up to my thirties'. If you don't mind, I'm going to ask for more advice nearer the birthday, but for now, with the list of goals, between now and September, this is where you come in- any ideas?...

xxx