Time for a Little Something.

January is nice transitional time, and I'm writing lists of things to do and people to see, on my lovely new calendar, and looking forward to some good things in the early part of 2012. So its time I took up the writing thingy once more, in my reliably-irregular fashion, and shared on here all the things that seem important at that time.

Putting 2011 Aside (because it was a little naff in places).
I survived the birthday, just, and held on to my sanity right the way through! It was the year I first tried cheese and onion crisps, salmon, and panetone. It was the year I started, and semi-abandoned my blog! I had my second ever holiday on an aeroplane, took in some fab live music, and I happily carried on my student's 100% exam pass-rate.

I took up crafting again, and got IDd (30 but not over the hill...) I started to use an iPod, and gained a little in confidence and happiness. Health-wise I am much improved, and I feel determination to make the best of a possible tough year with positivity and distraction techniques!

Could do Better

I have started on another Homestart course, and this has come at a funny time. I think I need the support now, and probably had to feel that way to get the best of the Power to Change Programme- to be open and willing. Its hard work! I'd love to come away from it and think of myself as a person who has a career (of sorts!) and a family and a home, and a life in her own right, and is not an ex-victim, or still mending.

I've been feeling my isolation quite acutely once more, and need to find a way to handle this. I think I less need plans to meet new people and find a social life, and more need to become accepting of my bit, but open to change. I'm not one who can confidently move into different circles. So unless the opportunity to become part of the Trendy Mummy Set presents itself, I'll end this year as I began- but I need to be happy with that prospect. Lets give that a go. Post on this to follow.

Whats important to me? Because those things I need to channel my time into. Children- obvs- and their confidence and wellbeing. Two sparkly cool parties are on the way for my Christmas/New Year babies within the next fortnight, and I've made a list of parents to contact so that my two can remain in touch well with their tinies, after the do's. And music is traditionally what this girl is about!... So I need to set myself the tasks of learning or reviewing a couple of pieces each month, to keep myself going. I'll let you know how that goes. And spending time with my family- particularly my sister. As I was too ill to travel to London this Christmas, I didn't see Pootle... which makes it nearly 3 months since I saw her last. Ahh! :(

Oh, and another thing...

There were a couple of happenings in the Autumn and Winter last year that meant that the children's contact with their dad is on apar to my sisters and mine. There will be a court process and I am quite fearful but also trying to appreciate, for however long it lasts, the opportunity to be the lone parent in the fullness of the term. Its a pretty good thing! I've decided to start another blog simply to record the Single Mummy thoughts- positive ones as well as trying ones, so that this place can be freer from all of my 'aside' issues. I'm readdressing the balance, and revamping the blog- bring on the photos of family time, lists and changes, crafty and musical things! I'll try to stay on topic ;)


xxx

Recent Doings.

Its been a long time since I was in a sensible enough routine to spend time on my blogging and reading of blogs. I'm hoping to overcome my recent problems and keep in touch with this place somehow, because its just the sort of place I like to be. So, 'hello' again, sweet readers! I'll drop by soon.

I've had horrible things to deal with in the Single Mummy Zone, and it came to a peak on Thursday, when the ex and a mediating officer rang me out of the blue, on my Birthday, to quibble childcare decisions, and just-as-worryingly, monetary issues (which were put to bed over two years ago). Its a real source of anguish actually, and I was upset that he chose to deliver the news of his most recent plot on that particular day. I'm being tied up in knots. My very real fear is that he wants me to end up with nothing. People that know my situation in greater detail will understand that I haven't overstated that, unfortunately.
Needless to say, with the emotion of the occasion, and my pathelogical dislike of most of my adulthood birthdays, (although I had intended to try and enjoy this one!) it was not a good thing. The day ended worse than it had began, and I was appreciative to all those that tried to improve things, but I decided to write it off! Better luck next year maybe.

I'm reminded of a little Monty Python clip here, something about bright sides of life... I'm trying, Eric!

''Lifes a piece of ***t, when you look at it!...''

So I probably should end on a high. I did have a nice weekend, and had a little birthday party on the Saturday, and a picnic on the Sunday. I was thoroughly spoilt, and had a good time ringing in my thirtieth, or twenty-tenth as the children call it, despite the nearness of tears on many occasions. It wasn't easy, but I was glad that I didn't cancel and take to my bed. I do have a lovely family, and a pretty fab boyfriend, and a couple of very true friends. It really helps.


xxx

And also, a special kinda girl wrote some lovely words earlier, please do pop by her blog if you haven't already- I promise it'll cheer you up! I hadn't seen the content of her post before I wrote this one, but I hope I haven't spread any gloom to her corner of Blogland! She sounds all sparkly and light and as though she has been relieved of a great weight. Good for her. Theres a positive thing.

Considering the reactions.

This evening, something occured which now seems a little stupid, but at the time seemed wholly upsetting. Isn't it odd how our reactions to things can be so diverse? Mine were- all in the space of a few hours. I've gone from one to the other tonight, having literally 'cooled down' in the process. Some will laugh when they read, (you can, don't feel guilty- I had a smile!) others will empathise, maybe somebody will be as outraged as I was initially. The interesting juxtaposition here is my initial reaction, with how I would have reacted a second and a third time- each different.

Imagine the scene if you will. This is like Poirot, but without the violence, happily, but also without the beautful period costumes, sadly.. I am at a loss for things to do, and I am avoiding paperwork, and okay its Friday night, which might be a friendly-kinda-rowdy in parts, but I might just go for a run... until I remember that I'm in my PJs. So instead, I'm in my garage, doing that thing I do, gently attacking something like this,

at about half speed, obviously.... (I'm still in the completely learning stage, and also, honestly, it says 'Allegro Molto', not 'Prestissississimo' or something. Whats the rush?)

And I can hear something, to my far right, outside. Although it has been raining lightly on and off since the afternoon, this isn't that kind of watery sound. It is another, unmistakable sound, and it is being sounded against my up-and-over door. I had heard people walk past already, probably between pubs, but hadn't realised that their convo had stopped, and somebody had paused just outside my property. What do I do? This is a bit like a sliding doors scenario- there is a small moment where my London 'walk-away' upbringing (where you don't even look partially intimidating people in the eye, let alone approach them), flickers up inside me, and then it goes. The more overwhelming urge is to go out there, interrupt him, and move them on, and probably, I envisage, they will run away fast, perhaps laughing.

So I go out there, catch him literally in the act, and shout 'What the hell are you doing?' His reaction? He chuckled, continued, and said 'I'm having a piss'. I retaliate: 'Stop it- *** off!' He says 'No'.

Now what? That wasn't what I was hoping would happen. I never expected him to carry on. This is the bit I have replayed in my head. In my updated version, I run in, dash into the back garden where a bucket of rainwater has been gathering, dash back out, and water him, liberally.
Then and there though, I really wanted to wipe the cheesy grin off his face- I was absolutely enraged. And he would hardly have expected it of me to retaliate physically, and it would have been so easy to do. Oh and I was angry- so upset and cross and shocked at the blatentness of it all.

Please note, I did *not* do this. I never touched him, guv.

So what I actually do, is look towards his two laughing mates, themselves the same sort of age and reasonable build, and quickly close the door. I hold the door shut, pushing myself up against it, trying to remember how to lock it without the key, because all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I felt incredibly vulnerable. There was nobody else outside to help me- none of the usual taxi drivers, who have been so supportive before, no neighbours, no other pub-goers.. and nobody else inside.

I did my good citizen thing, and made a very likely useless call to a local police switchboard. She diligently took down the description and the particulars, and on a positive note, it was a pleasure to deal with somebody who was totally efficient, and who put me at ease. Our taxes are going somewhere useful in their training I feel.

So the other oddity of situations like this, enraging ones, vulnerable ones,  bloody-good-shock ones, is that you can never get hold of anybody to chat too, to calm down about it. Nobody answered their phones when I came home from a routine abdo scan, with the news that I was unexpectedly a tiny bit pregnant 6 years ago, and nobody answered their phones (initially- bless the lovely friend that did come to my aid though,) when I had a bad shock and ran from someone and hurt my hand a while back- I just wanted to talk too fast for a loved one to understand, and cry down the phone for a bit. Similarly, nobody responded to texts this evening (I knew the parents were in, but didn't fancy worrying them).

I mentioned about the scale of anger- and my reactions if I had have dealt with it a second time that evening. It happened around 8.30, and around 9.00 I'd have done the bucket thing... in fact I sploshed some floor cleaner and water around the outside of the garage after my visitor, as you do... and left some water in the bucket by the front door just in case. He didn't show. Good- maybe the strong arm of the Friday Night Law did catch up with him before he hopped on his bus. Saddo.
By 10, I was beginning to smile about it. And I was a little taken aback by the actions of this feisty girl, all alone, protecting her property, and her Faure induced peace. Maybe she did the right thing, but at 10pm, I would have popped upstairs, closed the curtains and made myself a cuppa. Yes-the garage is where I escape from the world, into my own one, and to have somebody insult it like that was upsetting, but I was daft to confront them. Its also a pretty ridiculous thing to happen, that could probably only happen to me... hence the slight grin, its just my luck- and it is stupid!

I'm not sure what the end of the story is. I'm going to bed, and I'm going to stop mulling it over- maybe thats the conclusion. I feel lighter about it, by a bit, but my lovely evening was rudely broken. Its odd- I was abroad when the 'London' Riots, as they were referred to then, were going on. When it started spreading to other areas, I thought that that kind of behaviour was for cities, and that those sorts of thugs, with their beligerance and rulebreaking, and lawlessness, could never 'belong' where I live, with its rural charm and villagey-pride. They never did reach us, but now I realise that there isn't much of a boundary. People are people. Nobody rioted and put lives and livelihoods in danger outside my house tonight, but they weren't country mice either. I guess I've just realised that you only get away for so long, with living in peace, before somethng like this happens... even if I never thought that it was at all possible, in my beautiful Here.



xxx

PS- sorry for the subject matter, but I do like to share! ;) Thank you for reading my little blog, nice posts and sad ones. I mentioned my disappointment in my last post, at not being able to sit down yet,  and catch up here, and write those 'Dear Diary, I had a fab holiday' entries. But my weekend plans have changed, so I'm a little more likely to be able to catch up with my Bloggy World than I thought, give or take some paperwork. I'll be back soon, I hope, with happy tales from my Summer, plans for September, and maybe even a cake recipe too.

7 Things

Vicky, at Coffee and Milkies, kindly tagged me in her list of 7 things, a 'liebster award' type thingy. Thank you! I thought it was a while since I'd done one, although it took me a some time to come up with some entirely new information. It comes at just the right time, when my blogging is slowing down because I'm all end-of-termy, and consumed with trying to find childcare for September, so I'm not so inspired to sit and write as I'd like to be. Its not going too well just now, but I need something to turn up, for me to continue working... and in these circumstances where something needs to happen, I find that somethng unexpected usually does. So we'll see!

Here are my facts.

1) I had a few ideas about my career path when I was little, (chef and journalist spring to mind), although I never really was focused on 'that one job'...  But the first little dream that I told my parents of when I was small, was that I wanted to teach the violin, in a house in the country* and have lots of cats. I have achieved two thirds of this, despite it being the career route I didn't really want to take initially... Am I finally settled? Not really! :)

*NB I grew up in London: therefore all areas that weren't cities were termed 'country'! Locals may not think this is the countryside, but I'm convinced it is!

2) I hate olives, and coconut (although I like korma) and dislike nuts (although I love marzipan and praline)...

3) I have a completely irrational but severe fear of two particular creatures. Even the names upset me! It seriously encroaches on my ability to garden, and I thought I had it sussed, with a paved garden made entirely of pots. Not so. I'm desperate for my children to escape it, and it takes all my effort not to scream when I see one... and yes its bonkers but I've been battling it for a long time. Mind over matter... and more birds/ hedgehogs please!

4) I'm currently planning my Birthday Party, and a picnic gathering the day after, for my children's friends and families. Its making me smile, although I'm a little nervous. For some of my friends, its the first or second time they'll have been Here, and I'm not used to hosting. But I am having to think about lots of lovely cooking!

5) I don't have a coat that I like that much. In fact I don't think I've ever have had one that was entirey comfy in. What I have in my mind's eye when I go shopping is quite often entirely different to what I end up with! I'm not a natural shopper.

6) I have the most entertaining neighbours. Its a quiet road, despite a taxi rank, and the fact that my garden is next door to the pub's garden, but I do love a bit of 'hubbub'. I also love to take a glance out of the window when I'm washing up, and see the people opposite live out their colourful lives, and have noisy conversations/arguments about who finished the vodka. They're outgoing sorts, and cow outfits have been spied on the washing line...

7) I never used to like my middle name. I thought it was hideously old-fashioned, and I thought that, said together with my first name, I sounded like a ship. I still don't like it very much, and wouldn't choose it for myself, although my full name's meaning made sense to me as an angsty teen. And now, finding out that my parents named me after the year they were married in, I feel I need to accept it as part of the family history, and it sweetens it considerably.


I haven't tagged blogs individually, but please feel free to join in, if you have the time! Have a lovely weekend.


xxx

TV Hits

I don't have a television that receives channels, as you may know. 'Whats the point in that?' you may ask yourself. I ask myself the same thing on a regular basis. I'm stuck in a digital contract without enough signal to watch it.

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To be honest, I've managed so far, and its annoying, but I don't watch much tv anyway. I love my music, and I like to do 'things' with the children, rather than veg out in front of Peppa Pig, although they are indulged occasionally. I'm keen on cooking, and going out when time allows, and I can lose myself on Wikipedia of an evening, if I'm bored, (which I LOVE- seeing who is related to who, pressing links from one page to another, which I have termed my Wiki-Trail!!) the way others can in front of BBC1.
So I suppose, despite the money I'm paying for a service that they can't provide me with (after assuring me they could... grrr) its not a bad system. I get to cherry pick the things I want to watch, when I want to watch them (and lets not mention that you can do that too, with your fancy recording-boxes... that I have... that I can't use...its not important!)

I've been watching bits and pieces recently, without my evil telly, and here are my top TV Hits:

I love a good documentary, all the better if its slightly biographical- I am a little bit obsessed with people's dates, where they come from, which other famous people they met... (authors, artists, muses, musicians). Also, anything cultural, particularly if its based in France, is just my thing.  Enter Vincent Van Gogh, Painted in Words, with the fabulous Benedict Cumberbatch (BTW- what an actor?! Great in everything I've seen him in) as the tortured soul, that was the genius painter.

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Its was bloody good- an excellent portrayal of the man, (she says, like she knew him!) using his own correspondance to his brother, and others, for the dialogue. Its a fascinating time in cultural history, and very sad, but very watchable.

Music is always an excellent idea, but with the Glastonbury shows, I missed so much, because when you can't see it live, its difficult to catch up on something as big as that- suddeny hour-long programmes filled with music eat into your evening (and iPlayer stuff is usually a free-time/ weekend activity for me). I watched what I could (watched being the word with live music), and didn't see half of what I wanted to really- still catching up, however Elbow were great, as I expected, and I enjoyed this band, Stornaway. The first song was a little bit folktastic, and that arrangement didn't live up to the album version, for me, but the second was truly beautiful.

Onwards. I have found something that I have put-by for tonight to watch. Its called Fake or Fortune, and I saw one a couple of weeks ago at my fella's, and it was good. I've only just noticed that others in the series have made it online. Now this kind of programme is worth the licence fee! I really enjoyed the Monet trail, and it was gritty, and interesting, and pretty powerful stuff, watching a couple try to get their painting recognised as genuine, with all sorts of hoops to jump through, in an antiquated system, (ha! literally...) that means that one powerful family have the final decision. Philip Mould and Fiona Bruce take us through it, and she is only mildly annoying, which is good...

 I love Miranda. That is all. Hurry up BBC and get this to the people that can't watch it when its broadcast!

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I'm also kinda enjoying the 3-part series with Guy Chambers (of Robbie Williams 'Angel' fame), called Secrets Of The Pop Song, writing songs collaboratively, and plodding through potted history of pop genres. The first episode was a ballad, writing with the Rufus Wainright's ego, and his lovely voice too. The song turned out a little bit annoying, but it was fascinating to see the process. Part two was the project of writing a 'break-through' single for a new pop act, Tawiah and Mark Ronson. He was quite irritating too, but lets not knock the sound behind so many fantastic singles. Its The Noisettes in the part three, who I really like. Now I say 'kinda enjoying', because the whole process got me asking questions about creativity, and watching it in action, and the different processes it takes is interesting, but thinking about the power and money behind those that say 'you're gonna make it' and those who say 'you're not', and those who can drop aspiring musicians so quickly, is quite some food for thought. I find it hard not to think of them as slimy ruthless business men. Its quite unsettling. On a lighter note, Boy George has some really interesting things to say, rather eloquently... who'd have thought it?!

Remaining at number one for me, so to speak, is The Tudors.

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I blogged about it once before, but it is good enough to blog about again. Oh dear Lord, what am I supposed to do without Henry and his multiple wives to play out their dramatic lives for me?!?! (And the very sexy Henry Cavill!) I have a soft spot for Jonathan Reece Meyers, (and can only hope he finds the strength to get himself back on track very quickly....) I fell in love with him in 'Bend it like Beckham', (with Keira Knightly, in equal measures- not a great storyline I don't think, but she was fabulous to watch) and was waiting for him to get a great role like this one. His very lovely blue-Hugo-Boss eyes catch me every time I walk past Superdrug.
'The Tudors' was a definate Hit for me: the drama, the costumes, the characters, the time-period, so full of rich interesting storylines. I drank them all up, on the BT box very thirstily, and then found that the naughty BBC iPlayer wasn't showing the last series, so I watched them online (legally, but in tantilisingly small chunks as you could only watch about an hour at a time). I finished a week or so ago, and there is a little Tudor size hole left in my life!! I'd love to see them all over again, and may need to invest in a box set at some stage.


And the 'misses'? I was very disappointed with Claudia Winkleman's new programme, King Of, much as I adore her. It was quite a pants set-up, and in their haste to get through the format, they lost alot of her natural humour. She's crazy and lovely, and I was so happy to see that she had her own show, but... no ta. It looks like the viewing figures back me up here.
Lee Mack's All Star Cast was also a bit cringeable. The episode that I watched, like 'King Of', had great guests (in fact, Sarah Millican was in both, and she's fabulous) but I wanted it to end for some reason, in the same way that I couldn't watch 'Noel's Houseparty' once I was old enough to realise that Mr. Blobby was really irritating!


What are your recent TV hits?...


xxx

Are you proud of me?!...

This weekend is the first one that I've had by myself for ages.

I'm actually all alone.

There is nobody here apart from me.

And I have nothing specific to do.

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And, unusually, I'm fine with that! This is one of my long-term struggles, to be 'Me', without being a mummy, or a girlfriend, or a daughter, or anything else. I seemed to lose confidence in that a long time ago, and it often feels awkward, unnatural, boring and lonely. The children are with their dad a weekend early, and the fella is at a festival, with lots of local acts, as well as Cast and The Streets. Jealous? Much? (No really- its raining and he's camping!) Its fine!

Plans? Not many. Eat toast, check. Catch up on things missed on the iPlayer, check. Tidy my bedroom and finish the laundry.... yeah, I'll get back to that one... I have decided after weeks of panicking about being Bikini-Beautiful (the holiday is looming) that some people aren't made for them, and that I don't have fat legs, they are quite short actually, compared to my body. So theres nothing I can do about that. This is also a step forward. More toast please!

He's texting me alot, with the 'wish you were heres' (whatever happened to the interdependant thing that we had going on?!) but he's with man-friends that he's known for a lifetime, and I think he needs to be there as 'himself'. I'm happy where I am, being 'Me', by myself.

Its a big step forward!

xxx

See ya!

I'll be back soon, but you can guess where I'm off to.

Oh, and I came across this, and had to share, just in case!...

What is your Royal Wedding guest name? 

Start with either Lord or Lady, then the first name is one of your grandparents names. Your surname is the name of your first pet, double barrelled with the name of the street you grew up on.

Don't you just love a bit of pointless fun? I do, and for this reason, this weekend, you can address me as such:

Lady Dorothy Tiggy-Lynton

Chin-chin!
xxx

The Wedding of the Year... Its getting Nearer

And I feel like we need to have another lovely giggle, after the last one.

Right-o, I came across this, which I think is pretty cool... Pizza and a Royal Wedding. Does it get any better?

And incase you missed the link at the end of my last Royal Wedding post (and even if you didn't, it needs another showing)...

Oh my, how fantastic is that?! I would be a happy lady if I could make portraits out of sweets for money. DREAM job. I may change my career. On a related Jelly Bean note, (that shouldn't be the way you start sentences, but in my life its quite normall!) I was reading the lovely Moshops' Blog earlier, (thats not lovely = 'she seems nice', thats 'she always says kind things, and she's a real laugh') and she linked this story, which I also came across here. Look who has appeared in somebody's Jelly Bean!

I hear that Ronnie O'Sullivan thinks the snooker players should get a day off to watch the wedding. Too right! We should all have days off... multiple days off infact, because there is much preparation (cake baking, bunting-dusting) to do, and shopping to be done (tiaras, bow-ties, Very Large Hats), and commemorative chintzy things to stock up on. Gosh, its just as well that they decided to get hitched around the Easter holidays. A happy coincidence? I think not. I like to think that this particular King-and-Queen-to-be understand the need for us all to go a little crazy about them over a matter of weeks, not days.

Liking this. Ahh, he looks like he's in a hot tub, waiting for his lovely missus to join him!

This is a lovely idea- I do hope that they will be giving out mini ones of these on the route towards the cathedral. I love the idea that Miss Catherine Middleton is keeping Prince William under control atop the biggest pork pie you have ever seen.

I found a wonderful site that has all of the worst best buy-able things in one place. Here is a selection:

Oh, and... oops...

Now I'm a little sad, that these have fallen out of fashion. (No I'm not come to think of it... facial hair of the tash variety makes me feel a little bit queasy).

And this might just be my favourite discovery so far, and I demand that you watch it... now!

Not long to go!


xxx

Plan D: to go with Plan C, with a couple of extras thrown in.

I blogged last week about the concern of what to do with myself during my break from the children. Previously, when they have been away with their dad on his leave, I have kept out of trouble (...kinda), and done these types of things:

Well, I stole a couple of pics from other events, but this is me having fun, and people I enjoy seeing, who aren't Here. I'm not a hundreds-of-friends girl, (there will only be a handful at my 30th) because I need people around me that I really trust. A few fantastc friends is the way to go for me.

And as much fun as that was, like LOVELY to be spending time in my old life, pre-children, going out, stealing cuddles with nieces, having walks and tea with the parentals, going shopping and being a Lady Wot Lunches with old school friends, I decided that I would stay put this week, Here, and see what I could do about making that life for myself in my new location...well, you know, one step at a time. I had fairly low expectations. (As a side note, have you any idea how happy the creation of that little montage of 'away' photos made me? The answer, if you were unsure, is 'very'. In fact it could probably only be rivalled by the rainbow medicinal goodness that is the Nobbly Bobbly).

So how did we get on? (The Royal 'We' that is...)

We were extremely honest about our situation, and put out the feelers for peops that might be nearby and at a loose end, and then we decided that, yes, we could be a lady of the stay-at-home (or at least, local) variety, and bake and make, and prep for that thing I do that requires prepping, and work a bit, and mooch and be all lovely and independant and fabulous, and the week would fly by.
But in a fleeting panic, and because most of the nice things about my life are organised with the aid of the internet, (I've looked up that link Lucy- I'm gonna be brave and approach a social group!) I did post a heart-felt message to my facebook profile, asking if local friends might want to meet...

You know, the thing about facebook, is that you get a slightly warm feeling of a large circle of people that care, and pass friendly comments and in actual fact would never ring or email, (yeah... I know, but I could do more too) however, they are nevertheless there, in the background. And I'm very grateful that they are, because respond, they did.
Lovely people (from Stoke, to Bedfordshire, to London, to Wales) said 'Awww, we would but we're too far', and the big sister said kind things too. Then two local-er friends said that they would like to, but could only do times that I couldn't, (but I'm still hoping to meet with them soon), then I got an email from a mummy friend who invited me out there and then. She was after a distraction, as her children were also with their dad, and she had an assignment that needed doing. I can be a distraction!

And we went out on our bikes... yes, I was on a bicycle- a vehicle that requires skills that I don't possess. My lovely fella bought me my first real bike of my very own, for my birthday last year, and it seemed like a good time to dust it off and wobble to somewhere, with a sympathetic but better-skilled friend. Thats friend! I have one- Here! We wobbled to a watering hole, and had drinks and talked and talked and shared stories, and found that there are 10 years between us, but life has thrown us all sorts of similar experiences. It was nice- she has a gazillion friends and is usually extremely busy, so it won't happen much, but it was kind of her. I wobbled myself home again, triumphant, to find that the other half was on his way over, unexpectedly (I'd counted him out for most of the week, because he was supposed to be busy with work and family commitments), and we hugged and made dinner.

I had some news in the week, that came in a Brown Envelope of Doom, that made my living room look like this.

Note the lovely blue guitar on the left- he'd been learning Blackbird, at my request, (if you can't do it, pester someone who can, I say...)

He dried the tears, snaffled me up, and took me to the park where he could play and we could eat ice creams, whilst doing sums and sorting my life out. We came back because it got cold and windy, but the thought was there!

He only left me this morning, with the situation, we hope, sorted. Bless him. I didn't ask for that, in fact in my stubborn way, I did suggest he might want to go, and leave me to fight my own battles and get his smile quota from less miserable people! But he ignored me, and took a day or two off work that was owed to him. Rebel.
We've been out and doing stuff every day, and we've been back to his house so I could cuddle his cats, and even though I've been down in the dumps, he's been so lovely. Another cure for that sad-face-feeling? I give you bouncy lambs, in the field opposite his house.

I have my parents visiting on Saturday, and I'm working/ volunteering on Sunday, so really, the empty week hasn't been such a disaster. Its a start. You kinda come through these things stronger, (and closer, where applicable), dont you think?


xxx

Today, I like these things... 2

Another one of these posts, like the one I did back in January. They're simple and fun, and a place for me to put all of my recent favourite discoveries, so that I won't lose them.

Last time, I was loving Last.fm. Well... I still am, for the reasons I outlined. Totally loving it. Its always in the background now on my computer... until I come across an artist who makes me turn that off, and immediately whizz to 'youtube' to hear more of them. Well look who I discovered through it yesterday, while I was playing with yeast and sugar solutions for dough (an unnecessary detail, but a true one) she's my new favourite singer, and I'm tempted to drag the man out of retirement, to see if Jim'll fix it for me, to have her come to my birthday party, and provide the music (and the stunning legs!!!! Jealous? Me?... and the bass player with the comedy folk-lovin-beard). She's something else...

Oh, I'm a big fan of green things appearing in my garden right now. Gotta love the Spring. I've planted out my toms (and am determined to be a good tomato mummy), into their own individual pots, and popped them in the mini greenhouse, along with a large tray of lettuce seeds. (I'm a girl who loves her salads... but you guessed that...) I'm also enjoying watching the poppies open up their lovely wide petals, and yawn in the sunshine, and close back up in the colder weather and darker parts of the day. How clever are my poppies?! I'm enjoying the hyacinths, and hoping to plant out the strawbs tomorrow. (You see? I'm using actual plant-abbreviations- as if I'm a proper gardener!) Better photos to follow in another post, but heres a taster...

Today , I liked our walk along the canal. Just me and my fella. It is lovely in all weathers, but as today was so yummy and warm, it was even nicer. Everybody we passed said 'hello', and we saw yappy dogs that looked like small cats, and ducks with curly tails, and had tiny conversations about nothing, because the company and the views were enough. I saw more blossom, and more types of blossom than I can ever remember seeing before. Beautiful.

Hmmm. Also, in keeping with my 30s list, I'm ticking off some reading:

which I stole borrowed from my dad. He knows about it, but to be honest, if I thought I had too many books on my shelf, unread... well, you know, his problem is much larger kinda thing... so he doesn't mind the odd three or four relocating. And he has the bestest books to choose from. Factoid.

I am also loving beeeeees, especially ones that come to visit, and buzz about, wondering if they could get into the My Little Pony Teaparty House, and if they did, whether they might ride on the little light-up-ride, make a cuppa, and play the sound-effect-piano. Mister Bee left eventually, but not without some confusion about my sliding windows. And he had no stripes!... but yellow legs. Fas-kinating. He was fun.

I love this place, and wish I had lots of money to buy all of the contents of its jewellery list. Its my kind of jewellery- quirky and beautiful.

I also like my children's creativity, and am happy to have their little works-of-art on walls and window sills to gaze at while they're away. And (I know its a little late... but its only just left for its long journey to its new bewildered grateful owner) look what Pickle Missy made her Great Grandma for Mothering Sunday!

xxx

A change of plan

Pickle Missy and Little Guy are off to stay with their dad and his new family for a week. This is what happens when he has annual leave now. And its all kinds of awkward, and it gives me a sad face, but it must be done. He was good enough to provide them with wonderful Grandparents, and I know how important that bond is, and how much the children miss the two of them, so I can only hope that they have a wonderful time, full of pleasures and lovely memories. Lucky babies :)

So I will be struggling to be my bouncy self over the next week, but I must try and re-coup, and look on the bright side. Its actually a pretty lucky position to be in: the 'break', such as it is, is needed if I'm honest. And because being without them is hard work, and lonely-making, I do tend to try and get outta here. I usually migrate like a bird in winter to the bright lights of London, where the parentals and friends are.

Plan A
'Lets go away' says my lovely fella, 'Ooh that sounds nice- but nothing too far or expensive', says I.

Well the job that he took on was due to finish on the Friday, and I somehow knew it wasn't sensible to rely on that, his work being what it is. No surprise to me that he isn't finished, (I don't think men's minds work quite like that- I think he was a little taken aback!) but nevermind, for I hatched an alternative plan.

Plan B

To go to see the family for the weekend.

Errr, which weekend? Oh, no, actually, I can't do either. The children weren't due to leave until the Saturday of one, and it would appear that I am helping out on both Sundays, doing that thing that I do voluntarily, as their regular person is away for a fortnight. It takes prep too, so I'll be quite busy, you know... prepping. (I probably ought to consider giving away more info here, because I'm making this sound quite under-wraps-exciting, which it really isn't!..)

Plan C

Take work on myself, as much as I can, throughout the week, as I'm in a grump that the fella appeared to be very busy himself. and I had nothing else to do.

I now couldn't go away at either end of the week. So what was the point of going away in the middle?! (Theres logic there somewhere). So I offered to be available for those that needed me, and found myself being extra accomodating to other people's Easter plans, and agreeing to work Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Nice spread-out commitments, you see, with only a couple of hours on each day. Poop. Or is this a good thing?


I am left with a week of plans dotted around, and nothing substantial to look forward to, and nobody, really, to spend time with. I am a glutton for punishment. But I suppose as I have things to save up for (not least the period of No-Work for the other school breaks, and the hundreds of Bank Holidays that a self-employed-girl always appreciates...) it wasn't a bad way for things to go. Lets accept it for what it is.

To be positive, I have some projects to get started, and lots of Spring Cleany Sorting Thingys to do, and charity shop runs to make, and I can get out on my bike, or run everyday without concerns of childcare. It might be good for me to have time to play 'houses', and move things around, and work on the garden.

But wait- what appears to be missing? Company! I'm gonna be a sad old lady humming to herself! As yet, I've made no plans with anyone to socialize, and the thought of doing so, scares me. My friends are back in London, and places nearby to London. Yes it appears that I have settled my chidren into their lives here, and have forgotten to do the same for myself. The joys of being self-employed are many, but it does mean that I work by myself, with children, all of whom are too young to go out for a friendly cider with me. I have friends that I used to work with, two of whom are away, and all of whom live 12-15 miles from here. I don't have transport, and in most cases, neither do they.
The people I know Here are mostly parents of Little People, or people that I say 'hi' to (but who I also don't really know). Many of these will be on their holidays too. But enough of the reasons why its difficult- if it was easy I would have stuck around here whenever the children were away before, and attempted this already. I need to start somewhere.

Wheres a 'meet new people that you're not interested in dating' site when you need one?! My plans have decided for me- I might just have to take the plunge. Wish me luck!


xxx

The Wedding of the Year.

I'm not sure why I'm getting so excited- its not like me, I didn't expect to be, but I'm quite looking forward to The Royal Wedding! I can't explain- perhaps there is no explanation, but I have Wedding Fever over it. The shops are all on it, and I'm just going to have to make a purchase, at some stage, and the children and I are going to watch it. (We were due to be going into London to get lost in big crowds and take in the atmosphere, but plans have fallen through. Nevermind, because we didn't have an invitation to the church anyway, and I didn't want to just rock up, wearing something fabulous and a Kate-esque fascinator, tempting as it was...)
So forget your commemorative china, that is so last Royal Wedding! Here are some of my favourite Wedding Memorabilia Thingys/ Shameless Money Making Thingys.

William and Kate Dress Up Dollly Book, RRP £5.99, and I was so tempted to get the sticker album when I saw it in the supermarket the other day. A little too old for it I fear...

Coaster, £2.25

And another

Rainbow Magic Book, RRP £3.99

Ooh, Pickle Missy will be pleased... RRP £6.99

The Obligatory tea-towel (delicously kitch, I think you'll agree) RRP £4.99... but hurry- only available while stocks last kinda thing.

Does anyone need a new knitting project? RRP £9.99. Can't take the credit for this one I'm afraid- I borrowed this link from a friend. If anyone gets it, please let me know! I'd love a corgi, and I'd be your best friend... (Ha! I wrote this post before Pootle saw this and said exactly the same thing). Genius! I also like the Arch Bish...

Ok, anything serious out there? Theres this, my mum would love it, but perhaps we're trying too hard... £24.95

And if you're really excited to count down, £7.99 (seven ninety-nine?!)

Ok, now these are essential to any party, £4, but please note that I have seen celebratory temporary tattoos in Sainsburys. I've seen them but I can't find a picture for you, but really- I've seeeeen them!

And theres these, £5, and fairy cake toppers are around too, if you are so inclined.

I'd quite like some jewellery, if I buy anything, but this one is £28. Pretty though. I've come across others like this that were also adorable, with teapot and post box charms.

  

We could go with the 'Royal' theme anywhere- like in the shoe department, £47.75. And if you're gonna do it, you ought to do it well.

I think we might have entered shoe heaven, ladies...


Ooh, I'm getting excited! And this is just the start- can you imagine what we will all be like (thats all of us- don't pretend you're immune to it!) if they have a baby? To be actually living through an heir-to-the-throne's arrival! (Well I've lived through two, if we don't count William's cousins, but I was too teeny to have appreciated it).
I wonder if they're getting jitters? Kate looks like a Disney Princess already- I predict a Jennifer Aniston like following over her hair. I think I like her. I want to know all, including whether Prince William will be wearing Union Flag boxers, as in the top picture, (we've recently read The Queen's Knickers, and loved it- so if the story is to be believed...) and whether Prince Harry has a few too many on the stag do, and whether the stags will have t-shirts that all say something rude and amusing? (Suggestions welcome, but I don't think we're allowed to make remarks about his rather unfortunate bald patch... It would be tempting though, no?)


xxx

PS- You like this? I like this!

Surprises for a Tuesday Morning.

I have been saved by a man in yellow.

Tufty and his pals would be disappointed to hear that I nearly got myself flattened this morning, but a man in yellow put his arm across me to stop me stepping into the path of a very fast car, which had whizzed around a corner. He didn't stick about for me to say a proper thank you. Thank you man in yellow! I was in quite a shock afterwards.

My hair is curly.

Now technically, I had my suspiscions, and it has gone through quite straight stages, but also stages of being madly frizzy. And lets not forget my mid-teens, when if I put it back in a ponytail, there would be a section of central hair, on top, that was Proper Scary Spice Curly, and much shorter as a result. Just randomly.
I had my hair trimmed a minute amount about a month ago. And now, with that little bit of weight gone, and with a longish fringe across the front, it curls up by itself after I wash it, and I can hide underneath it, and I can spray it and leave it, and nothing needs to be done. I've re-discovered this fact this morning. It actually looks good in the rain, and I was complimented on my 'new hair style' today.

Our first childminder has taken a job with my children, for the third time.

What are the chances?! She looked after them part-time, from when I returned to work when Pickle Missy was 4 months, until Little Guy was coming up a year and a half. We moved away from them, but she continued to have them on a Friday for a while, even when I didn't have a car (what fun 8am 11 mile bus journeys they were!) until that aspect of my job finished, and it became much more sensible for me to put the children in a nursery nearer to Here. Which was a great shame, and a great pull, because she is Mary Poppins' Great Niece! (I somehow feel that Mary Poppins would never have married and had children, otherwise this lady would be more of a direct descendant... although I like to think that she fell in love and was very happy!)
Then last year, without realising that we attended, (we'd stayed in contact but she didn't know that this was the one of many local nurserys that we went to), she started working at our nursery, before the manager transferred her to the other in the company which was short-staffed. Sad face for my two, although our hours hadn't really coincided with hers much anyway. We again stayed in contact, but I don't think we've spoken since just after Christmas.
This morning I bump into her at Pickle Missy's school- she is now working at the nursery there! You couldn't write it, as she still lives that distance away. She wasn't expecting to be working with (or down the corridor from) one of my little ones yet again!

Life is a strange thing.


xxx

Miss Busy Bee

I was a little bit like a song with lots of words today- they all fitted in, and it sounded okay in the end, but how it got together with the music, we may never know.
My MissBusyBeeDay went as follows:

Got up, did the 'morning' things, Pickle Missy to school, Little Guy and I tidy and clean, and put washing out into a brilliantly sunny courtyard, (with real dolly pegs and everything) then I prepare for work and hoover, and he uses his hoover (sounds like child labour, but he really wanted one for Christmas, and I'm all for the menfolk joining in!) Then we had a play-date/ 'see the ducks and have a run-about-with-a-frisbee'-sesh with a friend of mine (she used to be my Homestart volunteer but we've stayed in touch- she's like an extra mum!) and a little 3 year old boy that she was looking after. She brought me the most gorgeous woolen short grey cardi that she'd come across.

Little Guy to nursery (with a freshly bought hot sausage roll in the lunchbag because I was so short of minutes- good times), me back home to finish assortment of laundry, make a start on a charity-shop bag of things-to-go. Then collect Little Guy, come home to find that Mister Dishwasher Repairman was sitting outside complaining about double yellows. (Not my problem- but I'll gladly listen and sympathise if you please fix the thing that does the washing up)...

Drop Little Guy to the childminder, go to work for a bit (where I represented myself for the duration as 'the girl who turned up to school in her slippers'- I was not at all coherant and kept forgetting what I was doing and where I had put things. Moreso than usual. And people pay me money to do this?!)

Back across to the childminder to collect a Very Tired Small Person, but not before having to stop to hear Mister Dishwasher Repairman complain about things and tell me that the tiles might have to be removed if the fault couldn't be fixed this time, and no he wasn't gonna do it himself, he'd got into trouble for 'being helpful like that' more times than he cared to remember (one wonders what other 'helpful' things are in his back-catalogue). Also included, earlier in the afternoon, were such classics as (jovially, but unexpectedly) 'be a man' to Little Guy who was complaining loudly that his dinosaur shoes were on the wrong feet, and 'I don't know what it is with you women and collecting plastic carrier bags', admittedly after he had to tredge through approximately three hundred in the cupboard under the sink, in search of an 'off' switch to the machine. Charmer.

Quick about-turn to go collect Pickle Missy, who was then at her friend's having previously been to her Street-Dancing Lesson after school (you read that right- she's despo for ballet but theres nothing affordable in the area so this will have to do! She loves it). I wasn't sure if I 'd be finished in time to collect from the class. I wasn't. I got a little lost on the way to the friend's house, and had to phone the mum to double check, then also needed to ask some passing teenagers for directions. (Well, I was passing, they were just leaning against things, all skinny-jeaned, youthful and beautiful). Fabulous.

A long walk over a very short distance, towards Homefordshire, with an Even More Tired Little Guy in tow, who ended up having a snack-tea and going to bed almost immediately.

Phew. Glad thats all over, but it was such fun I think I'll do it all again tomorrow....
Buzz.


xxx

Age is just a number, but

I have six months a little over half a year until I leave my Twenties (the latter sounds like longer- so I'll go with that). I'm not sure I like this. I'm pretty sure I don't like this. Oh- its weird. I've always looked quite young, I still get IDd (and did before the 'challenge if you suspect they may be under 25' thingy), yet the thought of actually getting older in number worries me. I was the only one of my friends who was actually old enough to see the '12' when we went to see Mrs. Doubtfire- and the only one that they suspected was underage. I've got used to comments about my young-ness, and people passing judgement about me being a 'young single mum' etc. I got IDd with a 37 year old last year, who was buying wine in Marks and Spencers, because I happened to be with him. So yeah, I look young. 

  Sporting the Obligatory-Allotment-Pigtails. 

17? Try 26...

I feel young-ish too. I have clear memories of what it feels like to be 3, 6, 10, 15, 18, 21- because of significant things that happened at these times (be they 'A' level celebrations or the receipt of a Superted pencil case for my Birthday- all vital milestones!) But beyond 15, I didn't feel like I aged... and that was half a lifetime ago. I was a girl getting married and having babies and making houses, in her twenties who definately felt as though she was no older than 15. I didn't feel I'd learnt, or changed or grown. I was not immature, but young at heart- I was wearing mittens and bouncing, pulling silly faces and loving the swings. Well I still do these things if I'm honest.

 Being little.

Just recently, because I suppose I'm looking back on the twenties and all of the things that have happened, and all of the things that I wish I'd done, I've realised that inside, I am 29- I have definately had my fair share of 29 years of life- so much has happened. And physically- I cannot expect to drink so much cider without the side effects any more! And I need to accept that I will have to exercise to keep trim, after years of sporting the 'in need of a hot-dinner' look without trying. I still suffer witha couple of health issues after the birth of my children, and I ache badly, have cold hands and feet a lot, and get coughs, colds and headaches, because I can't expect to cope so well without sleep as I once did. Oh I realise I'm not an old lady by any means- but I make no apologies for stating that physically, I am no longer a spring chicken. I think this comes from years of not taking care of myself and my diet, and spending too much energy on people that aren't myself, and worrying far too much... about fair enough things, but it takes its toll.

 At one of my skinniest and saddest (and 

just out of the shower- please excuse the hair!)- with the 

whole world on my mind.

I am not particularly depressed, so please don't mis-judge the tone of this! But I do need to turn things around- I need to make actual effort to enter my thirties proud and happy. I'm really getting there, I think in a sense it would be a very good idea to leave my twenties behind! To be frank, the bad stuff that happened totally mars the good in my eyes. I really want to say 'I came out brighter- and look what else I achieved...' (I'll do that list of good-twenties-moments another time) but really, my twenties were pretty terrible- so in a way, I finish them cheerfully, and in a reasonable position to enter the next stage of my life, simply because I've lived through so much emotionally. If I was any older, my hair would have turned white in the process!
But hey, here I am, not naieve enough to think that I've had all of my bad luck and unhappiness now, ofcourse life will have its challenges and unpleasant surprises, but strong enough to want to say 'come on thirties- I'm ready!'

Snuggles with my Little Guy, feeling strong.

I want to do something between now and then- I'm not going to make an unachievable list- I don't have the money to travel, much as I ache to do it, and I don't have the strength or the time to train for something like a marathon, but I probably need a couple of goals- say one-a-month for six months? Things that will remind me of 'that nice time, in the run up to my thirties'. If you don't mind, I'm going to ask for more advice nearer the birthday, but for now, with the list of goals, between now and September, this is where you come in- any ideas?...

xxx

30 Day Song Challenge

Have you heard of it? If you're a music lover and a facebooker, it might be worth a look. I really enjoyed it! It got me thinking, and made me remember some forgotten tracks and times. My sister and I took part, and I took a couple of looks on the group page too, so that I could nosey at other people's choices and discover new music. Each day of March (or any other 30 day month I guess, if you want to start afresh in April...) we had to provide a different song under the guidelines given. I felt I ought to give you my reasons too, in the interests of completeness, ofcourse! Here are my choices:

day 01 - your favourite song  Reef- Place Your Hands Ask me in 5 minutes and I may decide that this comes second or third to something else, but its a pretty fab tune, and gives me smily-itus.
day 02 - your least favourite song Arthur Brown- Fire Urghh! Not a fan of any cheese-dream-weird songs that sound anything like psychodelic. Hate the opening to this track, and vaguely recall being freaked by the video when I was younger...
day 03 - a song that makes you happy Jack Johnson- Banana Pancakes Love it. Its summer, and I'm having a a lazy Snuggle-Sunday, and there are pancakes when I hear this song. Bliss.
day 04 - a song that makes you sad Queen- No one But You (Only the Good Die Young) I love it, but I find the lyrics chilling, and all I can think of is Freddie...
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone Beach Boys- Good Vibrations I will have to tell you all about my fantastic late Uncle another time. Bless him. He sang this in the car once, and attempted all of the top notes. Love him to pieces, still.
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere Greenday- Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) Results day, University (a place where I was actually quite unhappy) This is a really nice memory- a couple of guys with guitars on the hill, taking requests and playing songs like this, while we waited to hear if we had made it.
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event Stornaway- Zorbing Ahh, my first date with my lovely fella. We escaped from absolute sheets of rain into the corner of a gorgeous little restaurant, to have a hot chocolate, and this was playing- we were both struck by it, and had to know who and what it was. Its a special album.
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to Oasis- Wonderwall I havent' tried recently, but I think I really do!
day 09 - a song that you can dance to Kylie Minogue- Spinning Around It ought to be noted that I just can't dance- but this makes me want to try.
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep I Monster- Daydream In Blue Please ignore the odd lyrics, and step back in time to when it was first released. I had never heard anything like it, and have loved it since. Relax-ment.
day 11 - a song from your favourite band Kasabian- Underdog If I was ever to be a WAG, it would be to one of these gorgeous men- who can do no wrong, musically. Awesome band live too.
day 12 - a song from a band you hate U2- With or Without You 'You can't hate U2!' I hear you say. I reply 'Please do not attack me with sharp objects- I just don't get them!!!' I couldn't think of a band I actually hated, but I really don't like this one.
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure Girls Aloud- Love Machine I'm unashamed. I'm usually a guy-and-guitar, and grunge-lover, but occasionally I love a bit of pop, and I really wanna be in Girls Aloud!
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love All Saints- Under The Bridge I'm REALLY sorry. Genuinely. Sorry to all of my fellow Chili Fans especially- I have let you down! I apologise profusely, but I've just always liked this version as an alternative- some of the vocals are so pretty! I'll go hide myself away in a cupboard!

I'll get back to you with the others nearer the end of the month. If you're wondering why number 15 is missing, those of you that like things to be in equal halves, its because I'm finding that one really difficult to decide on! Catch you later.

xxx