Holiday, Part 2: Ibiza.

This was the indulgent part, after the music and camping at Cambridge in late July. I was persuaded by friends and family who were probably very fed up of me wearily dragging my problems about, and looking grey, to go abroad on a sunny package holiday. I did it! And it was just what I needed.

We went to Santa Eulalia, which is said to be a little overlooked, as people think that all of Ibiza is in the same mode. It was very nice! All cosy and warm and very very lovely. We never even heard a DJ or passed a club. Elvis and Tom Jones impersonators galore though! Lots of clear blue skies and deep blue seas, and we saw fish and lizards and cats and dogs. Everything was simple. And there was the choice of a lounge on the beach, or by the pool, or a little stroll to the marina, up through the hills or around the town. We didn't sit around too much, and just took it all in. I think I did let my guard down, and remembered how to relax- bliss.

The best part would be very hard to pin down, but I really enjoyed the off-road-rambles, and keeping to no particular timetable. The worst part is simpler to decide: my reaction to the pressure on the plane. I did have a piercing toothache, on the return journey from my last aeroplane-holiday when I was 16. Ouchy, but I assumed I'd been unlucky that time. Hmmm. It turns out that I am not a happy flyer, and was quite nervous for the whole experience. It didn't help that my body reacted again! This time I had terrible pressure behind my left eye socket.  (And the eye itself remained a little smaller than usual for the rest of the break! Attractive. Fully recovered now though.) Happily I was okay coming home again, so my unpleasant experiences remain at 50% for my flying journeys. But then so do my happier ones. Note to self: you have sinus issues!

 The view from the balcony.

It was lovely to laze about, and read my Agatha Christie novels, and be in my fella's company without having to try hard at anything. Quietness is ok, and so are late evenings talking lots about all sorts, and joint-effort-crosswords, and snuggly siestas.
We two seem to share an inclination to 'people-watch'. Does anybody else? I can't help myself! We saw some interesting characters. And this harmless little occupation kept us going during the 8 hours that we sat around the airport, waiting for our plane to be signed as 'safe' after engine work. Eye Spy soon petered out. Not a problem- we devised secret codes for when we saw a 'Typical Brit Abroad', or someone who looked like they had a name beginning with a particular given letter. We wondered what the people in the MacDonalds queue would order, and we took great delight in observing what fashionable people were wearing. We saw a lot of young ladies with high buns, so obviously we had to discreetly hum the Bod tune to each other to sound the alert...

Here Comes Aunt Flo.

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This was a one-off-holiday really, but I feel very lucky to have been able to have a proper break. Lets think calm blue colours and keep those stress levels under control this time.


xxx

Off we go again!

I came back yesterday from Cambridge Folk Festival, and it was awesome. I'll post about it when I get a chance. I have had a bit of work today, in amongst the organising and panicking... which will continue, with, hopefully, a little rest before we leave here at 3am in the morning for Santa Eulalia, Ibiza. I am so excited its actually hard to think. But theres lots to do. Life is all or nothing around here!

Have I remembered everything? Absolutely not.

See you soon!


xxx

Not using the 'L' word- a Random Think...

This week is the anniversary. The One Year of Me and my lovely Fella. And its all good. I doubt we'll celebrate, but I don't feel the need. It'll be an occasion just like the formula of us- it kinda comes and goes, and we're both happy without much fuss.
I've been surprised by some things in this relationship, and I have learnt other things. Its difficult to articulate, (ha! Lucky you lot!...) but its worth a random think, I think. This is surely (almost) what blogs were made for- a perfect place to write inexpertly about complex matters of the heart and soul! Please feel free to add any thinks of your own to the comments. Here goes:

I first tried to write out what we were, together, here- in the 'fella' section. It was the first time I'd stopped to think about it properly, (how do I introduce this guy who is sometimes on the scene, and sometimes not, but who is such a part of my life nowadays that I find him turning up in my blog posts with regular abandon?!) Well, I think it covers the situation well. We've had some fab times, a couple of less-fab ones, but I'm settled, I'm smiley... alot. There are some things about this relationship that are very different to previous ones, and I really think I'm ok about it. This came as a surprise! Its taken guts, and a 'steady hand', when sorting out my emotions, because my natural state as a girlfriend, is one of a girl that needs swooping up, and taking care of, and organising, and big emotional gestures (not to be confused with monetary ones).
This is where I have been going wrong. There are a distinct lack of those things in this Crazy Little Thing, and even though this was what I'd decided I wanted, I still had to take it as a challenge- to make myself try something new, something slightly out of my usual pattern, something less wrapped-up and co-dependant. This was needed after my previous experiences.

source

We give modest presents, (most of the time- tut tut for a couple of very sweet gifts he gave me last year) we don't call every day, we don't go out every weekend, and there are only four photos in existence of us together. Hey, we hardly ever even use the 'L' word. But is it neccessary just now? Is it too easy to over-use that one? Its only been a year. I'll come back to that. I've realised that what we do have is all thats required, as long as the Crazy Little Thing meets each other's needs, and feels cosy and warm. I do feel cosy and warm, without feeling penned-in. Let me tell you what things I do have with him:

• An understanding that we have lives of our own, but a flexi-cuddle arrangement, ie, as soon as one misses the other, we find ourselves making flimsy excuses to be together again.

• Also, that ability to be 'the only one' to the other, who understands things that happen occasionally, and can offer the right words or comfort.

• Separate living spaces. He is around 40 or 50 minutes drive from Here, and aside from the fact that he has to do the 'running' because I'm still without a car, this suits us fine for now. For now? I wouldn't mind carrying on in this way for a couple of years or more actually, although all-the-better if I had my own transport...

• There is little talk of 'the future'. You know? That Talk. It really isn't essential just now- we like to be around each other and that is enough for the moment. We're more than dating, but less than people that make joint decisions about what will happen. (Bad English? Yes. Sorry!)

•  Stuff in common: spare-time stuff, and outlooks, and an appreciation of each other's hobbies. Theres a careful balance between this and 'couple-time' I guess, not that I've needed it yet, nor he for that matter- something thats been a struggle in previous relationships.

Ha! Sneaky- you can't see my gorgeous man. I am a tease. He looks like this, but theres more of him. And he bears more than a passing resemblance to Mike from Neighbours... although obviously he's infinitely better looking!..

I've always needed another half to 'complete' me. No more. Taxi for Mr Freud please- you can no longer pin that one on me! I like my independance, and so does he, but it doesn't detract from the feelings. And because of how things are, I'm not going to declare that I've found the love of my life- not only is it doomed to fail if I do, nobody has asked me to profess it, so I won't. Who knows what the future holds? And yes I trust him, but its taken a while. And like I said- I don't use the 'L' word like its going out of fashion anymore. Can you believe it? I can't! But it wasn't helping my doomed relationships when I did. Still getting used to that one, because I sure use it on my children everyday, but its not as vital as I thought it was with a partner, I've decided. What do you think?...

He said something interesting to me near the beginning- he didn't want us to 'burn out'. He admitted to that 'butterflies' feeling after our first date, just like me, when we sheltered under a brolly in the pouring rain, and we both felt that there was a real chance that there might be something between us... but he didn't want to lose that in a flash. Butterflies aren't an unwelcome addition to the mix are they? He didn't want them disappearing too quickly. Its not really an old fashioned courting thing, but theres no hurry, and this is why I like an older man!- he's right.
You get to be in charge of things this way- not led by your heart. Theres still that element of emotional unpredictability (in a good way!), only without the 'jumping feet first' feeling, or the 'never knowing what will happen once you feel settled' feeling.

So it may read as though I had to join his camp and pick up on his way of doing things. I didn't. It was a conscious decision this time, to opt for a relationship like this one, and not in the format of my previous ones. I think with the children at the ages they are now, it was, and is vital, that we have our family time for me to do my thing with them in the Single Mummy Zone, without any relationship stuff around me sometimes. He sees them a fair amount, and I'm not saying this for the purposes of giving the right impression, but I genuinely mean it when I say: the children can't get enough of him. No plans for him to become a permanent live-in-role model in their lives just now though, even though they'd love that, so they'll have to get used to it! I'm determined not to involve him too much too soon.We come as a package, but they're not going to become his responsibility- they're all mine mine mine!

I'm not being smug- I haven't got The Solution to life's great questions of love, and its not perfect, in fact theres often lots of alone-times, (although I need them, if I am to work out who I am and what I need to do) but its damn hard being the single mummy trying to date a scrummy boyfriend, especially when his 'outside of us' life is family and going out, and having a laugh with best friends, and mine, (because I can't do those things very often, woe is me, blah blah blah...) is going to the park, catching up on phonecalls, or tidying the kitchen. But I love (ooh- I used the L-word!) being with somebody who makes me happy, and I have found somebody who does that.

And now I will stop writing about relationships like I have a Carrie collumn in a New York paper. Normal service will be resumed! Hope you are all having a lovely week.


xxx

Handy tips for Mediation!

I'm all done with it- Yey! Once things have been signed, I will allow myself to relax, and feel good for a bit, with the relief, and channel this positive energy (I now have it in spades!) towards enjoying the rest of 2011. But first, some light-hearted hints and observations:

1) Power shoes! No, seriously, walk tall and do your hair, and wear something like these:

2) Listen to music that gives you confidence, and if absolutely neccesary, play the words to a Destiny's Child song in your head on the journey over.

3) Keep yourself positive and don't let despair and nerves set-in between appointments, or when the mediator is in the other room, talking with the other person. (Who incidently asked me to mediation, then refused to sit and talk with me...)

4) Which leads me to the next point- see the humour in things. Ridiculous can be laughable rather than massively frustrating.

5) Get the most from the situation- if neccesary take a book, or a cheap gossip magazine, or write a song in your head (remembering paper so that you can write it all down!) There may be lots of alone times.

6) Be prepared for all eventualities- go with your feelings clearly defined, and equally leave yourself open to positive ideas from unlikely sources.

7) Remember that the mediator is supposed to be there for you, as much as she is there for the other person- make sure your opinions count.

8) Be resilient- there are few other times in the world when I've felt this alone (possibly only second to overnight hospital stays when I tend to feel pretty depserate and vulnerable). There will be nobody to hold your hand- you're going to have to be strong for yourself, and it can be done!  (Oops- this is supposed to be light-hearted... I digress)

9) Do your best- that is pretty much all that you need to do- and in the tough times, remember what this is all for, and more importantly, who it is all for. Thinking about this will give you smiles.

10) Allow yourself recovery after the bad appointments, but don't let other people dictate how terrible the days that follow might be. You're in charge of yourself. (I learnt this the hard way after my reasonably disastrous Royal Wedding Weekend! It was mostly a disapointment to me because I wasn't feeling happy).

11) Who said lists should end neatly on an even number? Give yourself things to look forward to, and rewards, however small they may be. I bought myself a packet of celebratory sherbert flying saucers yesterday. I truly deserve them!


Its so nice to be free of all the stress for a while! I'm not daft- this isn't the end, nor is it the beginning of the end, but it is a lovely sense of 'semi-closure'. I'm determined to look ahead. Now I can start to prepare for, and smile about:

the folk festival, 

the summer holidays (both finding lovely things to do with my Little People, and getting away mysef for a while- in the words of one of my closest this week, 'you NEEEEEED a holdiay!'), 

catching up with friends and returning phonecalls, 

and a little Birthday Celebration for somebody's 29b...

Sending positivity and smiles towards everyone that needs it today.


xxx

PS Thank you all so much for your support about the poo times in the Single Mummy Zone! You all say such lovely things, and its wonderful to feel that other people understand, especially when my own family and friends are not nearby for regular natters and hugs! Blogger managed to get rid of lots of comments recently including those I had left on other people's blogs to express my thanks, and those I had made on my own posts in response to my reader's kind comments. Please consider yourself fully appreciated! It has made a real difference recently. Thank you!

Plan D: to go with Plan C, with a couple of extras thrown in.

I blogged last week about the concern of what to do with myself during my break from the children. Previously, when they have been away with their dad on his leave, I have kept out of trouble (...kinda), and done these types of things:

Well, I stole a couple of pics from other events, but this is me having fun, and people I enjoy seeing, who aren't Here. I'm not a hundreds-of-friends girl, (there will only be a handful at my 30th) because I need people around me that I really trust. A few fantastc friends is the way to go for me.

And as much fun as that was, like LOVELY to be spending time in my old life, pre-children, going out, stealing cuddles with nieces, having walks and tea with the parentals, going shopping and being a Lady Wot Lunches with old school friends, I decided that I would stay put this week, Here, and see what I could do about making that life for myself in my new location...well, you know, one step at a time. I had fairly low expectations. (As a side note, have you any idea how happy the creation of that little montage of 'away' photos made me? The answer, if you were unsure, is 'very'. In fact it could probably only be rivalled by the rainbow medicinal goodness that is the Nobbly Bobbly).

So how did we get on? (The Royal 'We' that is...)

We were extremely honest about our situation, and put out the feelers for peops that might be nearby and at a loose end, and then we decided that, yes, we could be a lady of the stay-at-home (or at least, local) variety, and bake and make, and prep for that thing I do that requires prepping, and work a bit, and mooch and be all lovely and independant and fabulous, and the week would fly by.
But in a fleeting panic, and because most of the nice things about my life are organised with the aid of the internet, (I've looked up that link Lucy- I'm gonna be brave and approach a social group!) I did post a heart-felt message to my facebook profile, asking if local friends might want to meet...

You know, the thing about facebook, is that you get a slightly warm feeling of a large circle of people that care, and pass friendly comments and in actual fact would never ring or email, (yeah... I know, but I could do more too) however, they are nevertheless there, in the background. And I'm very grateful that they are, because respond, they did.
Lovely people (from Stoke, to Bedfordshire, to London, to Wales) said 'Awww, we would but we're too far', and the big sister said kind things too. Then two local-er friends said that they would like to, but could only do times that I couldn't, (but I'm still hoping to meet with them soon), then I got an email from a mummy friend who invited me out there and then. She was after a distraction, as her children were also with their dad, and she had an assignment that needed doing. I can be a distraction!

And we went out on our bikes... yes, I was on a bicycle- a vehicle that requires skills that I don't possess. My lovely fella bought me my first real bike of my very own, for my birthday last year, and it seemed like a good time to dust it off and wobble to somewhere, with a sympathetic but better-skilled friend. Thats friend! I have one- Here! We wobbled to a watering hole, and had drinks and talked and talked and shared stories, and found that there are 10 years between us, but life has thrown us all sorts of similar experiences. It was nice- she has a gazillion friends and is usually extremely busy, so it won't happen much, but it was kind of her. I wobbled myself home again, triumphant, to find that the other half was on his way over, unexpectedly (I'd counted him out for most of the week, because he was supposed to be busy with work and family commitments), and we hugged and made dinner.

I had some news in the week, that came in a Brown Envelope of Doom, that made my living room look like this.

Note the lovely blue guitar on the left- he'd been learning Blackbird, at my request, (if you can't do it, pester someone who can, I say...)

He dried the tears, snaffled me up, and took me to the park where he could play and we could eat ice creams, whilst doing sums and sorting my life out. We came back because it got cold and windy, but the thought was there!

He only left me this morning, with the situation, we hope, sorted. Bless him. I didn't ask for that, in fact in my stubborn way, I did suggest he might want to go, and leave me to fight my own battles and get his smile quota from less miserable people! But he ignored me, and took a day or two off work that was owed to him. Rebel.
We've been out and doing stuff every day, and we've been back to his house so I could cuddle his cats, and even though I've been down in the dumps, he's been so lovely. Another cure for that sad-face-feeling? I give you bouncy lambs, in the field opposite his house.

I have my parents visiting on Saturday, and I'm working/ volunteering on Sunday, so really, the empty week hasn't been such a disaster. Its a start. You kinda come through these things stronger, (and closer, where applicable), dont you think?


xxx

Today, I like these things... 2

Another one of these posts, like the one I did back in January. They're simple and fun, and a place for me to put all of my recent favourite discoveries, so that I won't lose them.

Last time, I was loving Last.fm. Well... I still am, for the reasons I outlined. Totally loving it. Its always in the background now on my computer... until I come across an artist who makes me turn that off, and immediately whizz to 'youtube' to hear more of them. Well look who I discovered through it yesterday, while I was playing with yeast and sugar solutions for dough (an unnecessary detail, but a true one) she's my new favourite singer, and I'm tempted to drag the man out of retirement, to see if Jim'll fix it for me, to have her come to my birthday party, and provide the music (and the stunning legs!!!! Jealous? Me?... and the bass player with the comedy folk-lovin-beard). She's something else...

Oh, I'm a big fan of green things appearing in my garden right now. Gotta love the Spring. I've planted out my toms (and am determined to be a good tomato mummy), into their own individual pots, and popped them in the mini greenhouse, along with a large tray of lettuce seeds. (I'm a girl who loves her salads... but you guessed that...) I'm also enjoying watching the poppies open up their lovely wide petals, and yawn in the sunshine, and close back up in the colder weather and darker parts of the day. How clever are my poppies?! I'm enjoying the hyacinths, and hoping to plant out the strawbs tomorrow. (You see? I'm using actual plant-abbreviations- as if I'm a proper gardener!) Better photos to follow in another post, but heres a taster...

Today , I liked our walk along the canal. Just me and my fella. It is lovely in all weathers, but as today was so yummy and warm, it was even nicer. Everybody we passed said 'hello', and we saw yappy dogs that looked like small cats, and ducks with curly tails, and had tiny conversations about nothing, because the company and the views were enough. I saw more blossom, and more types of blossom than I can ever remember seeing before. Beautiful.

Hmmm. Also, in keeping with my 30s list, I'm ticking off some reading:

which I stole borrowed from my dad. He knows about it, but to be honest, if I thought I had too many books on my shelf, unread... well, you know, his problem is much larger kinda thing... so he doesn't mind the odd three or four relocating. And he has the bestest books to choose from. Factoid.

I am also loving beeeeees, especially ones that come to visit, and buzz about, wondering if they could get into the My Little Pony Teaparty House, and if they did, whether they might ride on the little light-up-ride, make a cuppa, and play the sound-effect-piano. Mister Bee left eventually, but not without some confusion about my sliding windows. And he had no stripes!... but yellow legs. Fas-kinating. He was fun.

I love this place, and wish I had lots of money to buy all of the contents of its jewellery list. Its my kind of jewellery- quirky and beautiful.

I also like my children's creativity, and am happy to have their little works-of-art on walls and window sills to gaze at while they're away. And (I know its a little late... but its only just left for its long journey to its new bewildered grateful owner) look what Pickle Missy made her Great Grandma for Mothering Sunday!

xxx

A change of plan

Pickle Missy and Little Guy are off to stay with their dad and his new family for a week. This is what happens when he has annual leave now. And its all kinds of awkward, and it gives me a sad face, but it must be done. He was good enough to provide them with wonderful Grandparents, and I know how important that bond is, and how much the children miss the two of them, so I can only hope that they have a wonderful time, full of pleasures and lovely memories. Lucky babies :)

So I will be struggling to be my bouncy self over the next week, but I must try and re-coup, and look on the bright side. Its actually a pretty lucky position to be in: the 'break', such as it is, is needed if I'm honest. And because being without them is hard work, and lonely-making, I do tend to try and get outta here. I usually migrate like a bird in winter to the bright lights of London, where the parentals and friends are.

Plan A
'Lets go away' says my lovely fella, 'Ooh that sounds nice- but nothing too far or expensive', says I.

Well the job that he took on was due to finish on the Friday, and I somehow knew it wasn't sensible to rely on that, his work being what it is. No surprise to me that he isn't finished, (I don't think men's minds work quite like that- I think he was a little taken aback!) but nevermind, for I hatched an alternative plan.

Plan B

To go to see the family for the weekend.

Errr, which weekend? Oh, no, actually, I can't do either. The children weren't due to leave until the Saturday of one, and it would appear that I am helping out on both Sundays, doing that thing that I do voluntarily, as their regular person is away for a fortnight. It takes prep too, so I'll be quite busy, you know... prepping. (I probably ought to consider giving away more info here, because I'm making this sound quite under-wraps-exciting, which it really isn't!..)

Plan C

Take work on myself, as much as I can, throughout the week, as I'm in a grump that the fella appeared to be very busy himself. and I had nothing else to do.

I now couldn't go away at either end of the week. So what was the point of going away in the middle?! (Theres logic there somewhere). So I offered to be available for those that needed me, and found myself being extra accomodating to other people's Easter plans, and agreeing to work Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Nice spread-out commitments, you see, with only a couple of hours on each day. Poop. Or is this a good thing?


I am left with a week of plans dotted around, and nothing substantial to look forward to, and nobody, really, to spend time with. I am a glutton for punishment. But I suppose as I have things to save up for (not least the period of No-Work for the other school breaks, and the hundreds of Bank Holidays that a self-employed-girl always appreciates...) it wasn't a bad way for things to go. Lets accept it for what it is.

To be positive, I have some projects to get started, and lots of Spring Cleany Sorting Thingys to do, and charity shop runs to make, and I can get out on my bike, or run everyday without concerns of childcare. It might be good for me to have time to play 'houses', and move things around, and work on the garden.

But wait- what appears to be missing? Company! I'm gonna be a sad old lady humming to herself! As yet, I've made no plans with anyone to socialize, and the thought of doing so, scares me. My friends are back in London, and places nearby to London. Yes it appears that I have settled my chidren into their lives here, and have forgotten to do the same for myself. The joys of being self-employed are many, but it does mean that I work by myself, with children, all of whom are too young to go out for a friendly cider with me. I have friends that I used to work with, two of whom are away, and all of whom live 12-15 miles from here. I don't have transport, and in most cases, neither do they.
The people I know Here are mostly parents of Little People, or people that I say 'hi' to (but who I also don't really know). Many of these will be on their holidays too. But enough of the reasons why its difficult- if it was easy I would have stuck around here whenever the children were away before, and attempted this already. I need to start somewhere.

Wheres a 'meet new people that you're not interested in dating' site when you need one?! My plans have decided for me- I might just have to take the plunge. Wish me luck!


xxx

Roll up, roll up, for a trip down Memory Lane.

There was a tent on the green last week, and it arrived on Wednesday morning. Vans were parking up as we rushed to school, and a little voice said 'Ooh- whats happening mummy?!' and I said, 'Oh, probably a fair or something- we'll see'. But it wasn't. (The little voice also expressed some concern about said vans flattening the daisies, but I assured her that they would grow back). There were more vans arriving that afternoon, and by Thursday the Big Top was taking place.
We get a circus on the green every now and then, a travelling one, and I'm afraid that I have avoided them up until now. My reasons? I'm really not sure, but it isn't something that I instinctivey want to go to. I've tried to work these thoughts out though, because my reaction has surprised me, and I'm usually an open-minded creature. (Because this is a blog for my own ramblings, we'll start with those thought before I get to the review). Lets have a go:

1) Fast food vans- I had food poisoning (perhaps more realistically a sickness bug?!) after a school fair once, when I was young, and I'll never forget it. I still can't seem to trust them (and get uneasy around hotdogs), which means I don't like to eat at fairs and open air events. Truths.

2) I don't get the excitement. My mum is suspiscious of fairs, circuses, carousels and doesn't like them. So we didn't grow up with them, (no hardship really), and I didn't taste my first toffee apple or candy floss until I'd left home (nevermind). Who knows why she was uneasy? I'm still a little afraid of her, so I won't be asking. Perhaps I've inherited her concerns.

3) Everything is expensive, and theres alot to buy.

4) I don't like clowns much- I get a little freaked, and I feel like I'll cringe at the humour.

5) People can steal stuff from you! Something I also remember being warned- that pickpockets targeted places like these where there was likely lots of pocket money and crowds... call us cynics...

... so what's the attraction?...

I went to the circus once as a child, at my Grandad's organisation- he was absolutely thrilled that The Moscow State Circus would be nearby, and took us as his treat. It was quite rebellious, seeing as his daughter had no warm feelings towards circuses (see above)! What do I remember of it? You may ask. Not alot. Close to nothing. I have a terrible memory, but this particular piece of forgetfulness troubles me: I wasn't teeny tiny, so should be able to recall it, but I really couldn't tell you what acts I saw, and I know how important it was to him, and how he must have loved the thought of it, planned the day and looked forward to its arrival... and how I feel like I have clearly failed to appreciate his efforts, by forgetting all that I saw! 

I remember him holding my little hand in his big gentle one at the ticket kiosk, and climbing up to near the top of the Big Top, and wearing a purse with a string, which he and Gran had brought me back from their holidays, containing a pen with my name on. I can still see it- it was sort of rectangular, with rounded corners, and two little black poppers on a fold down lid, which I liked to think were its eyes. (Don't you just love Grandparent-Gifts, this is so Grandparenty, and it makes me smile. Whats more Grandparenty, is that my sister had the same gifts, except mine were in blue, and hers were in red). 

I was twirling the purse around and around, then leaning forward and spinning it the other way so it would rush back, anti-clockwise, (which was all Much Fun) when suddenly, out of the gap in the top of the purse (which was either upside down or spinning), my little pen fell downwards, between the benchy seats, and the scaffoldy stuff that they were attached to, and landed somewhere unknown, where I couldn't see. I was mortified- because I loved the little pen, and because I loved my Grandparents and knew they would be sad, potentially angry, and because it was lost, never to be found.

After the initial 'You're always fiddling and getting into trouble' comments, which are naturally bestowed upon the youngest, (and yes, I am proud of this trait), my dad did a Dad Thing, and missed part of the show, to rush downwards to the bottom of the tent, to carefully slide through a flap when nobody was looking, and search for my pen on the grass below. Which he found. Hurrah! Here ends the memory of my trip to the circus. What did I see? Dunno. But I got all the vitals there, I think you'll agree.

*********************************

So, as there was no escape from the fact that the circus was in town, and as the children had been talking about it in Pickle Missy's class, (so had the parents- nothing like peer pressure!) I put my prejudices aside and took the plunge. We sat with a little friend of Pickle Missy's, and her Mummy. I was concerned about the expense, and was doing my best to fit in with the other parents, nodding in agreement over how reasonable the price was. It kinda was reasonable, but its not the sort of money I have to hand usually. While we were queueing for tickets, somebody gave me a spare voucher of theirs which got me a discount. Happy Bunny.

I was worried about Little Guy's concentration behaviour, and in truth it was a fair concern because he was quite unsettled after the interval, but for the most part, aside from wanting to buy everything that the clowns walked past with before the show, and needing food and drink that I had vetoed (we bought treats from the corner shop to take with us- sssh- don't tell!), he wasn't too bad to manage.

Pickle Missy on the other hand, displayed a little bit of the 'wanties', as her friend had been bought an assortment of goodies from around the tent, but she was quite easily distracted, and became transfixed, and I truly think it made her week. I had the opportunity to sit back and attempt to reminisce, but as that wasn't really working, I just watched my little girl be totally absorbed in it. She loved the twirly whirly hoop girl, and the girl who balanced lots of things in her mouth and climbed ('to the very top of the tent mummy- I think she can really do it!!'), and the guy who climbed an unsupported ladder, and the trampoliney people, and the cops and robbers, and her favourite thing of all was 'the clown that was very naughty all the way through, but was good in the end'. Worth the visit to see their little faces, I can assure you. I can only hope that my family saw that wonder in my eyes when they were sweet enough to treat me too.

All three children were inspired to climb on things, and balance and get into mischief after the show, but thankfully none of them expressed an interest in throwing knifes at each other.

xxx