Time for a Little Something.

January is nice transitional time, and I'm writing lists of things to do and people to see, on my lovely new calendar, and looking forward to some good things in the early part of 2012. So its time I took up the writing thingy once more, in my reliably-irregular fashion, and shared on here all the things that seem important at that time.

Putting 2011 Aside (because it was a little naff in places).
I survived the birthday, just, and held on to my sanity right the way through! It was the year I first tried cheese and onion crisps, salmon, and panetone. It was the year I started, and semi-abandoned my blog! I had my second ever holiday on an aeroplane, took in some fab live music, and I happily carried on my student's 100% exam pass-rate.

I took up crafting again, and got IDd (30 but not over the hill...) I started to use an iPod, and gained a little in confidence and happiness. Health-wise I am much improved, and I feel determination to make the best of a possible tough year with positivity and distraction techniques!

Could do Better

I have started on another Homestart course, and this has come at a funny time. I think I need the support now, and probably had to feel that way to get the best of the Power to Change Programme- to be open and willing. Its hard work! I'd love to come away from it and think of myself as a person who has a career (of sorts!) and a family and a home, and a life in her own right, and is not an ex-victim, or still mending.

I've been feeling my isolation quite acutely once more, and need to find a way to handle this. I think I less need plans to meet new people and find a social life, and more need to become accepting of my bit, but open to change. I'm not one who can confidently move into different circles. So unless the opportunity to become part of the Trendy Mummy Set presents itself, I'll end this year as I began- but I need to be happy with that prospect. Lets give that a go. Post on this to follow.

Whats important to me? Because those things I need to channel my time into. Children- obvs- and their confidence and wellbeing. Two sparkly cool parties are on the way for my Christmas/New Year babies within the next fortnight, and I've made a list of parents to contact so that my two can remain in touch well with their tinies, after the do's. And music is traditionally what this girl is about!... So I need to set myself the tasks of learning or reviewing a couple of pieces each month, to keep myself going. I'll let you know how that goes. And spending time with my family- particularly my sister. As I was too ill to travel to London this Christmas, I didn't see Pootle... which makes it nearly 3 months since I saw her last. Ahh! :(

Oh, and another thing...

There were a couple of happenings in the Autumn and Winter last year that meant that the children's contact with their dad is on apar to my sisters and mine. There will be a court process and I am quite fearful but also trying to appreciate, for however long it lasts, the opportunity to be the lone parent in the fullness of the term. Its a pretty good thing! I've decided to start another blog simply to record the Single Mummy thoughts- positive ones as well as trying ones, so that this place can be freer from all of my 'aside' issues. I'm readdressing the balance, and revamping the blog- bring on the photos of family time, lists and changes, crafty and musical things! I'll try to stay on topic ;)


xxx

Full of the joys of... Summer.

This muggy weather has suddenly given way, as they promised, to beautiful bright rays of sun. (And its lovely out there). It feels as though that is the pattern for my personal life just recently too. I feel like there has been a period of grey heaviness, much as I was able to wade through it with a half-smile, and now...well, I feel like this:

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Don't you just love this image? Thats me!

The timing of my good mood is odd, because I received another Brown Envelope of Doom the other day, (this sort of depressing brand of communication is quite regular, and it always seems to contain news that gives me a bit of a shock). Its hard. I was just finding my feet, setting goals, and now I'm a bit lost again. But it doesn't seem to have dampened the mood, because lots of good stuff has been happening recently.

Take a look at my Happy List:

Sports Day.
I was a little bit emotional- it was another Mummy Milestone, being my first. Pickle Missy did me proud. Highlights? Bouncing off in the spacehopper race before the headteacher blew the whistle, and being lifted up to the basketball hoop, to have a fairer chance (given her size!) of getting a ball through it. She also finished in last place for the little race she competed in, chiefly because she was trying to keep her sunhat on.

A visit from the parentals.
The children were too tired to do much, but mum and dad were in good spirits, and it was nice to have the adult conversation, and to see the bond between them, and their grandchildren.

Moving On.
After a period of lethargy, I am motivated, and after periods of disorganization, my house and mind feel tidier. I've had a good sort-out, and I've given myself little tasks to tackle in my free time. I'm also making the effort to veg in a constructive way- reading, or making things, or working on my Thirty list.

New readers.
I got a little mention, and a LOVELY write-up, here. I was really overwhelmed, and came across the link in my stats. They made me feel like I had something relevant to say, and although its a shame that that post isn't in my usual style (so I worry that I come across a bit emotional and paranoid to new readers), I was really buzzy when I read my name in the list of recommended parenty-blogs!

Sunny Sunday.
Today in itself was a good day. We are lucky enough to have a bandstand Here, with lots of grass, and a small playground all in one enclosed (sort-of) area. You know how much I love live music... of any kind...and the weather was perfect for the brass band today. The children loved it, and I bumped into some old friends, and chatted to lots of people. Happy faces. 

Family Life.
I'm in a lovely routine- and the children are thriving on it. There have been more play-dates, and a structure to the contact they have with their dad since our mediation. Yey! Pickle Missy and Little Guy suddenly seem more secure, and confident. My little girl's school report was shining recently, and her brother is very settled and smiley at nursery. And I feel like I'm gaining friends, and making plans, (getting a tiny bit of a social life). Its lovely.

A holiday.
Its been booked. Bite me, Brown Envelope! (Although technically it was booked before that last one arrived). I am going here for a week in August.

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Have you guessed? Its Ibiza, although (I'm bored of justifying it, but I feel I ought to!) it won't be the clubby part- we got a lovely deal on a half-board holiday at the opposite end of the island, where all of the slower-paced-people go! It will be wandery, and relaxing. The scenery looks fantastic. Its my first sunny holiday in 14 years, and I have (modest amounts of) shopping to do for it. You'll be hearing more of this, I'm sure.

Hoping you're full of Summery joys too...



xxx

And now for something Completely Different...

I've caught this little bug, the one that has been milling about recently. Symptoms include:

itchy fingers

the need to create

pestering more crafty family members, for advice, support, spare equipment, and lessons

hunting around charity shops for useful fabrics and books

emitting squeally sounds when you feel an especially expensive yarn (or wool as I'm used to calling it- sorry!)

There are some quite serious cases of it in Blogland, so I kinda hold you people accountable. And theres that little matter of my 30s list- this new sickness is just the right kinda thing to tick off, numbers 5 and 9.

I've aways enjoyed making things: cards, cross stitches, and I love drawing and painting, so perhaps the signs were there. I've mentioned before that I grew up in a house of crafty-ness. I felt a little inept when it came to making costumes for Pickle Missy's World Book Day recently, so something had to be done. (The sewing machine is being dusted off, and there is a fabulous project ready to start, thank you once again, Lucy). It used to be unfashionable to make things, and you'd attract comments about lack of money if you sported lovingly created hand-made jumpers as a child (from other children of course). I wouldn't dare mention to my school friends that I got one of these!

 I can still remember what I made for the big project: an adult sleeveless stripy jumper in a kinda aqua marine and navy, with buttons on one shoulder. Beautiful!!!! It was the '80s, people, therefore, this is an acceptable design and colour combo.

A new era has come. I have one of these noodles, (that is what Pickle Missy calls them, and that is therefore what they will be known as!) and I'm ready to go.

You see? I read blogs from proper crafters- I understand that we are supposed to find the prettiest fabrics to photograph things on :)

In fact, truth be told, I've started. Mum tried to teach me, but proclaimed me un-teachable, so she found me a couple of books and some remnants and told me to set out into the big crochet world unaided, for that is truly the way forward (and her mother had decided that she couldn't be taught either, so that is the route that she also took) ...or something to that effect. I can now proudly make round things, and long things, and wormy things.

So anyway, how does this sound so far?....



xxx

A change of plan

Pickle Missy and Little Guy are off to stay with their dad and his new family for a week. This is what happens when he has annual leave now. And its all kinds of awkward, and it gives me a sad face, but it must be done. He was good enough to provide them with wonderful Grandparents, and I know how important that bond is, and how much the children miss the two of them, so I can only hope that they have a wonderful time, full of pleasures and lovely memories. Lucky babies :)

So I will be struggling to be my bouncy self over the next week, but I must try and re-coup, and look on the bright side. Its actually a pretty lucky position to be in: the 'break', such as it is, is needed if I'm honest. And because being without them is hard work, and lonely-making, I do tend to try and get outta here. I usually migrate like a bird in winter to the bright lights of London, where the parentals and friends are.

Plan A
'Lets go away' says my lovely fella, 'Ooh that sounds nice- but nothing too far or expensive', says I.

Well the job that he took on was due to finish on the Friday, and I somehow knew it wasn't sensible to rely on that, his work being what it is. No surprise to me that he isn't finished, (I don't think men's minds work quite like that- I think he was a little taken aback!) but nevermind, for I hatched an alternative plan.

Plan B

To go to see the family for the weekend.

Errr, which weekend? Oh, no, actually, I can't do either. The children weren't due to leave until the Saturday of one, and it would appear that I am helping out on both Sundays, doing that thing that I do voluntarily, as their regular person is away for a fortnight. It takes prep too, so I'll be quite busy, you know... prepping. (I probably ought to consider giving away more info here, because I'm making this sound quite under-wraps-exciting, which it really isn't!..)

Plan C

Take work on myself, as much as I can, throughout the week, as I'm in a grump that the fella appeared to be very busy himself. and I had nothing else to do.

I now couldn't go away at either end of the week. So what was the point of going away in the middle?! (Theres logic there somewhere). So I offered to be available for those that needed me, and found myself being extra accomodating to other people's Easter plans, and agreeing to work Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Nice spread-out commitments, you see, with only a couple of hours on each day. Poop. Or is this a good thing?


I am left with a week of plans dotted around, and nothing substantial to look forward to, and nobody, really, to spend time with. I am a glutton for punishment. But I suppose as I have things to save up for (not least the period of No-Work for the other school breaks, and the hundreds of Bank Holidays that a self-employed-girl always appreciates...) it wasn't a bad way for things to go. Lets accept it for what it is.

To be positive, I have some projects to get started, and lots of Spring Cleany Sorting Thingys to do, and charity shop runs to make, and I can get out on my bike, or run everyday without concerns of childcare. It might be good for me to have time to play 'houses', and move things around, and work on the garden.

But wait- what appears to be missing? Company! I'm gonna be a sad old lady humming to herself! As yet, I've made no plans with anyone to socialize, and the thought of doing so, scares me. My friends are back in London, and places nearby to London. Yes it appears that I have settled my chidren into their lives here, and have forgotten to do the same for myself. The joys of being self-employed are many, but it does mean that I work by myself, with children, all of whom are too young to go out for a friendly cider with me. I have friends that I used to work with, two of whom are away, and all of whom live 12-15 miles from here. I don't have transport, and in most cases, neither do they.
The people I know Here are mostly parents of Little People, or people that I say 'hi' to (but who I also don't really know). Many of these will be on their holidays too. But enough of the reasons why its difficult- if it was easy I would have stuck around here whenever the children were away before, and attempted this already. I need to start somewhere.

Wheres a 'meet new people that you're not interested in dating' site when you need one?! My plans have decided for me- I might just have to take the plunge. Wish me luck!


xxx

30 thingys to do before I'm 30.

I have two or three posts hanging around the 'drafts' department, and I am trying to space them out. This is an improvement on last week, when I had 6 or 7. My blog posts come to me- like Pooh Bear's hums, and they are in charge of me at times. I have lots to blog right now, but need to be in charge of the blog posts, and say 'no-wait your turn!!!' occasionally. I had something else planned for today, but thought that this one had more urgency, as I need to get a wriggle on, so I have let it out to be read.  Lucy also blogged her list yesterday, and the timing seemed right. 

I obviously ought to celebrate my thirtieth somehow- this is being worked-upon. I might actually get some friends and family to traverse afar to my corner of the world for some kind of party (visit me? A potentially Most Unusual Situation). Somehow it needs to be fabulous- my favourite people, lots of photos, lots of memories and great moments, decent music and entertainment, and yummy food and drink. I might just go over the top. I really might.

But anyway...You know whats also important? I neeeeeeed to celebrate my 'leaving of the twenties' somehow. I explained my feelings back in this post. Its essential, to my mind, as a process of putting the last decade behind me. I totally understand 'divorce parties' now! Don't knock it till you've had one! (A divorce that is). I won't be indulging, but I can quite understand the need for some people. I think the 'shaking yourself free from the past' aspect is part of my reasoning for this. Also, re divorce parties: any excuse for cake.

So here is the plan: I'm going to do 30 things that I haven't done before, or that I think will make a good impact on my life. Its  a way of remembering this year, and also a way of trying new things and maybe getting out of my comfort zone. I had a good look at this website for general inspiration, and also thought hard to myself about what I wanted to do (yes, yes it did hurt). I'll aim to cross things off here, and take photos where possible. You'll notice I kept things in threes. See what I did there?...

So:

1) Go to a Festival
2) Write a song
3) Send 3 secrets to PostSecret.com (I literally cannot wait!)
4) Find a personally inspiring quote and work it into a piece of art/ decor.
5) Complete 3 projects from here
6) Host a Dinner Party (cooking a three-course-meal).
7) Do a sporty challenge, and be generally active.
8) Do some kind of performance.
9) Learn 3 new skills.
10) Change my surname back to my maiden name.
11) See a sunrise
12) Learn to put my face in water.
13) Buy only second hand clothes, and adapt them into something 'Me' where neccesary.
14) Volunteer, charitably.
15) Leave a book somewhere, with a note inside it, for somebody else to pick up.
16) Sell some unwanted things of mine, to make money for new things.
17) Read my shelf of un-read or part-read books (excluding Complete Works!)
18) Fly a Kite (Ha! Didn't realise till today that this was also one of Lucy's).
19) Write a letter to my children, with advice and memories that I don't want to forget.
20) Join a club or an organisation.
21) Collect 50p pieces.
22) Make a story book for the children.
23) Have a cocktail party.
24) Learn more about star constellations, and go star gazing.
25) Watch 3 new films.
26) Catch up with the news every day for 3 weeks.
27) Get a new family picture taken.
28) Do a 'baked and homemade only' week, 3 times
29) De-tox, and take out all of the naughty foods for 3 weeks
30) Declare myself happy

Its a little worrying, flicking through the links, and seeing how many people didn't complete theirs, by a mile. But I guess thats the good thing of having a short list, rather than one of 101 things which I think might make me feel panicky. I really hope I've kept them realistic. Its so interesting (not in a patronising way, you know...) reading lists made by teens, and having a glimpse into their minds and their priorites. I guess if I did this list at 19, mine too would have consisted of 'get the bus on time' and 'remember to clean my room' and 'say thank you to mum for the meals once a day'!




xxx


PS, thank you for all of your suggestions regarding this, and to Lucy who understood what I was looking to achieve, and pointed me in the right direction!