Wednesday, 23 February 2011

In Which One Fairytale Ended... And the Princess is gonna be fine.

Once upon a time, there were a couple of awkward teenagers, introduced to each other at just the right time... They were two halves of a whole. They were each other's everything. They were mad about each other, and as often as they could, they would sit around like this

...and they continued to do that into their 20s. Life was very very hard, but they seemed to believe that they were very very happy, and to the surprise of others, they then did this:

The Wedding was planned, and longed for, (by them at least...) and a new life as a couple began. There was a posh new job, their lovely new house, with mortgage, and the move to the country, the cat and the dog. What more could they want? They were deeply in

In fact, there was nothing else. No one else. Few friends, for they had moved away from them, and one half of the couple would convince the other that the friends didn't like them. Few family, because there weren't many in the first place, but nevermind, because one would convince the other that they disapproved. One would make an effort to offend the other's loved ones, but no matter, because the 'other' was pretty convinced that what the partner had said was all true. The 'other' wasn't really worth anything to anyone, apart from the partner anyhow...

Fast forward a year or two, and they both had terrible jobs, which led to bad finances, and stress- oh so much stress. And very dark times. But hey, they had each other. They decided to have some little people to put in the house, as you do.

First one small girl, and then a tiny boy, and they scampered around making their Mummy see rainbows, and they grew stronger and more lovely with each day. Which was a blessing, because things were not right between the couple.

What had been a loving relationship became a resentful one. It was not fair. It was no fun. It was sad. It was pressured. There was a control, that had always been there, (but it came to the forefront for reasons of personal insecurity and mental problems).

The funny thing? At first, she didn't realise anything was wrong. This was marriage, was it not? And she stood up to those who needed to hear her faith in him- defending her hubby like a lioness, to the exasperation of all those who still cared about her. Very few people knew. People didn't visit, as they weren't made welcome, and those that were allowed to see in, mostly saw an image of loveliness. It was perfect, this relationship, that had started at 15.
Problem was, she was starting to feel like this:

And she so badly wanted out.. But she bided her time, and feeling like these, on the right,

she made the jump, because she deserved much better- a life without three dependants, when she only had two children. A life where she had choices, and maybe even friends of her own again. A life where she could concentrate on things that really mattered, where she could sit in any damn chair she wanted to, and wear what she liked, a life with her own money, a life where she could safely keep her beautiful things about her without them being broken. A life where she might even learn to love again, where somebody she might love might stay faithful.
And it was tough. I mean REALLY tough. But she worked hard, cried a bit, found her strength a bit, and kept going. And there are times with the single parent thing when she feels like this

but she just keeps plodding. Stubborn like that, she is. And she's met other people who have been in a position like her own, and she tries to take strength from that. Theres this little voice in her head that occasionally pipes up, and mutters something about her being 'in a much better place nowadays'. She has her own nest- she can breathe. There is less disruption and pain and despair, and things could have ended a lot worse. She thanks her stars for that...

But. still, after the event by some way, things are unfair and unjust. And some days, he still makes her feel like this

At times like those, she does need to remember that the little bit of life that she found, for her and her two little ones, is worth all the effort. She's working really hard folks, to try and take the events that still unfold everyday in her stride- theres panic and worry scheduled ahead, she just doesn't know when. It shouldn't matter really, because she needs to believe, that what she really has, despite the lack of straightforwardness, after the episode has come and gone, is a new start on the horizon.


I won't be doing the heavy side of things too often, I promise. I'm a sparkly and bouncy creature by trade, and normal service will resume shortly! Theres been some developments recently that have meant that this is all fresh in my mind again. I just thought it would be good to put this out there, because, well, I want to be honest, and it feels very good to write it all out. Lets hope that somebody else who is feeling the same might have a quick read of it, and realise that theres still hope for them.



  1. Well done on a very frank post, you recognise where your life has taken you and have faith in a better future for you and your two little ones. I'm now an empty nester, but I left the father of my three girls (at the time aged 18 months, 5 and 7) with only a black bin bag of clothes and a laundry bag of toys once reality hit me - that was 18 years ago, and I won't lie and say things were all easy and rosie from then on - they weren't but I've got there and don't regret it for one moment. I have raised three wonderful independent women, who are hopefully equipped to weather life's storms. Much respect for you - you made the right decision for you and your children it won't be easy, but hang in there girl, stay strong and continue to look for the positives. xxx

  2. What a very honest and thought provoking post. Knowing that it's ok to have the angry days is part of the battle, resentment doesn't just fade away, it stays hidden and pops out at the most annoying of times. I too married my teenage sweetheart, had my 2 daughters and tried my hardest but it takes two people to try hard to make a marriage work. Walking away was the hardest thing ever, not because I loved him, that had died a long time before but because of the feeling that I'd let everyone else down. One day I woke and realised that I was letting the girls and myself down and we were the ones that mattered. Be gentle on yourself, enjoy the simple things and take the time to be sad/angry/hurt, bottling it up will only cause more resentment x

  3. Well done on being so honest, it must have been a difficult post to write but like you say it is probably soothing to get it all down.

    I so very hope that you will continue to find rainbows with your two little ones and they will lead you to a place of true happiness, fun, good health, and everything else that you wish for.

    Hugs xxx

  4. Here's to a happy ending. I love your list of good things to have in your life, very positive :) x

  5. This is your blog and you can write about whatever you like. Life isn't all sunshine unfortunately and this is the perfect place for you to air your feelings and wishes - much better than bottling things up.
    It sounds like you made a very brave (and 100% correct) decision. Life is so short that you shouldn't have to waste any of it stuck in an unhappy relationship. Yes it has been and will be hard, but it is better for your little ones to be with one happy/liberated parent than two in an unhealthy relationship - they deserve better, but more importantly so do you!

  6. I only wrote this one... well, you know, I said all that... (and as you point out TopChelseaGirl- its my place to do that- thankyou :))But it wasn't posted for comments at all, and I wasn't expecting such a reaction, with such genuinely caring thoughts and supportive stories. I'm quite overwhelmed actually, but I won't cry!
    I love you lot a little bit! You've all made someone pretty happy today- hope that brings you a smile too. xxx

  7. wow honey...what a post...but we learnt a lot and I think it was brave of you to put that up - and I hope it was cathartic for you to write about as well? Sounds like you've been through a lot but you're clearly v strong and you're definitely doing the right thing - so many people would not have been able to make those painful steps that you did. You're a little hero really...your kids are lucky to have a mum like you xxx

  8. I've only just read this and I think you're amazing. You're so brave, and your courage has paid off. You're obviously in a much better place now, and sound like way too nice a person to be in that kind of destructive relationship. Keep it up x